If you are struggling in your relationship with your spouse, or if a married couple comes to you for advice on how to heal their relationship, marriage counseling exercises can be a helpful. In some cases, these exercises can help resolve problems or cause the couple to grow further apart.
Communication Exercises
Marriages most often fall apart from a lack of meaningful communication between partners. When a couple chooses to ignore the breakdown of communication when the obstacles are small, this can lead to them getting so big that the couple eventually stops communicating altogether. When doing these exercises, have both members address each other without making accusations. It is also a good idea to start these exercises with "I statements," such as "I feel this way when" instead of "You make me feel this way when." As the couple starts communicating their feelings to each other, they can dig deeper to discover what is really causing their conflicts.
Appreciation Exercises
When a marriage is not working, many partners communicate many negative things to each other. It is easy enough to place blame on and talk about what another person is doing wrong. Instead of focusing on each other's negatives, though, it is good for partners to try to think of at least five positive things to say about a spouse. Have both people tell each other why they appreciate each other, making sure to mention positive qualities of the other person.
Self-Reflection Exercises
Have each spouse reflect on ways they could help make their marriage stronger. Ask each person to reflect on the ways they have contributed to the downfall of the marriage as well. Have both people write these reflections down to help them focus on making these thoughts as concrete, specific and as actionable as possible.
Forgiveness Exercises
Give both people the opportunity to forgive themselves for the ways they have behaved in their marriage. Have them write a letter to themselves to communicate their forgiveness. This exercise can give a sense of release to each person and the letters can serve as powerful reminders of negative past behaviors that should not be repeated.
Moving Forward Exercises
Have each person write down promises that each of them agrees to do regularly to make the marriage stronger. Have both people recite these promises to one another to make the pact more official. Have them also date and sign their promises to seal the deal. This paper can serve as a constant reminder to both people about their commitment to each other.
