Marriage counseling often offers the opportunity for couples to work on various relationship issues they may be experiencing. However, marriage counseling is generally not a solution for couples who have major compatibility or personality issues, and it cannot solve irreconcilable differences. If you're involved in marriage counseling and you've started questioning whether it is worth the effort, watch for signs that suggest it is no longer working.
Step 1
If you've recently begun to doubt whether your marriage counseling is working, check in with your spouse to see how he or she is feeling. Sometimes couples reach roadblocks in counseling just as they begin to touch on sensitive or touchy issues, and with persistent, hard work, these issues can often be resolved. An article in Oprah Radio online points out that most of the common problems that occur in marriages can be fixed. However, for counseling to be effective, both you and your spouse should be in agreement that you're both getting some benefit out of your counseling sessions. Touch base with your spouse and have an honest, heart-to-heart discussion about your feelings about counseling; it is possible that you both feel that you've hit some major roadblocks and need to evaluate whether continued counseling is going to be beneficial.
Step 2
Notice whether you are having repeated discussions on a long-term basis about the same issues over and over again during your counseling sessions without any sign of progress; this can be a sign that marriage counseling is not working for you. Couples often enter marriage counseling with different expectations, and often, one partner is brought to therapy against his will but agrees to counseling at the repeated badgering of the other spouse. Many times, this will result in one partner bringing up the same issues over and over, developing into a form of nagging. Counseling ceases to be effective when the sessions turn into a whining session for one spouse while the other starts playing the role of the silent victim.
Step 3
Evaluate whether you need a different therapist. It may be, for example, that you're both dedicated to counseling, but you haven't made a good match with your current therapist and a change is necessary; an article in Psychology Today points out that many couples switch therapists three times or more when seeking a suitable marriage counselor. If you've been to more than three counselors and you're still not seeing the results you had hoped for, it may be time to discontinue your counseling sessions, at least temporarily, and re-evaluate your expectations for counseling and your relationship.
