A child learns how to behave based on his observations of the world around him. If he has acquired a habit of being disruptive or disobedient as a means of getting his way, this behavior can be a source of extreme frustration. You might be tempted to yell or to scold, but reacting with anger is not a definitive solution. Your goal as his parent shouldn't be to merely stop bad acts but to redirect your child's bad behavior. It will be a challenge, but with clear communication and persistence, you can help your child learn to behave appropriately.
Step 1
Communicate clear expectations to your child. For your child to change her behavior, she needs to know what you expect of her. Give her clear, concise instructions. For example, if your daughter has a problem with tardiness, such statements as "Be on time" or "Do better" are too vague. Instead, say to her, "Breakfast is at 7:30 a.m. Your mother will call you once five minutes beforehand as a warning, and then we expect you to be in your seat." Ask your child to repeat back to you the expectations you've defined so you're sure the two of you understand each other.
Step 2
Outline appropriate consequences. Knowing which consequences to expect for his actions will help your child learn to make good choices. Clearly communicate the consequence attached to a particular behavior. If your son, for example, constantly "forgets" to do his chores, you might tell him, "If your bed isn't made and your clothes aren't put away by the time you need to leave for school, you will wash the dinner dishes tonight." The consequence itself isn't as important as your child's knowing what to expect should he choose to disobey you.
Step 3
Give your child positive reinforcement. In his book "The Power of Positive Parenting," Dr. Glenn Latham states, "When used effectively, positive reinforcement is the most powerful teaching tool we have." Your child is more likely to repeat the behavior that earns your praise and positive attention. Make sure you commend your child for the behaviors you want her to repeat.
Step 4
Ignore any unwanted behaviors you want your child to discontinue, suggests FamilyDoctor.org. To a child, even negative attention is better than no attention. If your son is able to provoke a strong reaction from you for misbehaving, he is more likely to continue that behavior than he is if you simply ignore him.
Step 5
Be consistent. Consistency is critical to successfully shaping your child's behavior. If you follow through on a consequence one day but let it slide the next, your child will not take you seriously. She will learn that consequences are subject more to your whims than to her behavior. Choose punishments and rewards that you are willing to enforce.
Step 6
Set a positive example. Actions speak louder than words, and your child will follow the example that you set for him. Model the kind of behavior that you expect from your son.
References
- "The Power of Positive Parenting"; Glenn I. Latham, M.D.; 1994
- Family Doctor: What Parents Can Do to Change Their Child's Behavior
