Listening attentively to what someone else is saying can be a challenging task, particularly when you have strong opinions about the topic you are discussing or have a lot on your mind. It is an essential skill to develop and strengthen all of your relationships. Listening well can help you perform better in school or at work and help you understand those closest to you better. It can also help those around you feel as though you care deeply for them, which in turn can also enhance your relationships.
Step 1
When someone else is speaking, maintain eye contact. Do not stare this person down, but do try to make the person feel you are connected to him and interested in what he is saying.
Step 2
Nod occasionally when the other person is speaking to acknowledge you understand what he is saying and are "still there."
Step 3
Do not interrupt the speaker, even if you really want to say something.
Step 4
Try to avoid planning what you will say in response to the speaker while you are listening to keep your focus on the talker.
Step 5
Ask meaningful, appropriate questions when the speaker is finished talking to make sure you have properly understood her.
Step 6
Paraphrase (or repeat in your own words) what the other person has said to you to help clarify his thoughts and ensure you have understood if you do not have questions for the other person. For example, you could say, "As I see it, you are feeling stressed because you have so much schoolwork to catch up with."
Tips and Warnings
- Try to read the body language of the speaker. For example, if the person you are listening to is standing with arms crossed, it is safe to assume he either feels physically cold or is trying to maintain his distance from you.
- If it is impossible to keep your focus on what the other person is saying due to strong emotions, it is a good idea to calm yourself down before trying to listen. Ask the person if you can have some time before responding. It is almost impossible to listen and respond well when your emotions become very intense.
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