Starting a conversation with a stranger, or even a mere acquaintance, can seem intimidating. But once you get comfortable being outgoing and initiating conversations, you have the potential to find friends everywhere you go. Also, studies in the Harvard Business Review show that engaging your brain in unexpected ways, such as new and interesting conversations, is good for your mental and emotional health. Conversations encourage thought, which in turn keeps your mind active.
Step 1
Start with a compliment. Doctor, college professor and author Carolyn Kaufman recommends opening a conversation by remarking on something unique about a person such as her name or a certain piece of jewelry. It will likely encourage the person to tell a fun, interesting story about her life or family.
Step 2
Ask open-ended questions, things the other person can’t answer by saying just yes or no. Open-ended questions serve as a way to tell how interested someone is in talking, because he chooses the length of his answer. Also, the questions are much more likely to result in conversation because they encourage prolonged discussion. “How did you find out about this party?” or “Have you ever eaten this type of food before?” are some good options.
Step 3
Keep a list of potential conversation topics on hand and keep up with the news so that you don’t miss out on an opportunity to add something to a conversation. Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert and owner of the Protocol School of Texas, recommends reading at least the front page of the local and national news each day, as well as keeping up with popular books and movies. She also suggests you follow the 40/60 rule to keep the conversation flowing: Talk 40% of the time and listen 60%. This way, she says, you can ask encouraging questions and spin the conversation off a person's interests.
Step 4
Consider what qualities you look for in a friend before seeking new friendships. Tina B. Tessina, PhD (aka "Dr. Romance"), psychotherapist and author of "Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage," suggests that you consider which current friendships you most enjoy and what you are seeking from new friendships, and then look for people in your life who meet your criteria. If you don’t know anyone you want to get closer to, seek out a new activity and use it as a way to meet people.
Step 5
Try heading out for coffee or a casual walk around a favorite neighborhood or museum with a potential friend. Use the incident as an excuse to get her phone number or email address. Say something like, “I heard a great exhibit/new shop/etc. is opening next month. Maybe we could check it out together?” Before you know it, you will have a new friend in your life.
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