Bullying is not a solitary activity. Psychologist Tonja R. Nansel reports that among youth, 19 percent of students admit to bullying other students, while 17 percent say they have been bullied. Six percent report to both bullying and being bullied. Bullying occurs most frequently by males, and to males, and it is often physical. Girls also experience bullying, most often verbal or emotional bullying. Bullying occurs most frequently in grades six through eight, but it can continue through adulthood, in the workplace and via the computer. Intervention is important on both sides, as bullies do worse in school and at work and tend toward isolation, while victims of bullies suffer higher than normal levels of depression and occasionally act out violently against their bullies.
Involve the School
Bullying most often happens at school, and students need to be accountable for each other and help in keeping the school safe. Psychologist Susan Limber advocates a program in which administrators work with students to create an atmosphere of safety and accountability for everyone through school-wide assemblies and daily reminders during school announcements. When everyone in the school is working toward the same goal of zero tolerance for bullying, it is more effective to stop bullying.
Build Self-Esteem
Bullies pick on people they perceive as weak, and people with low self-esteem may go along with a bully just to be accepted. A person with a good sense of self is unlikely to bully or be bullied, according to Michelle Borba in "Big Book of Parenting Solutions." Celebrate your child's successes and work with him on his challenges to increase his confidence. Bullying at work may be more subtle, according to an article in the New York Times, so make sure that your work and your self-esteem are both in good shape to ward off bullying and sabotage.
Keep Talking
The best way to stop bullying once it has begun is to teach your child to ignore it, according to an article at kidshealth.org. Tell the bully to stop in a loud, authoritative voice and then walk away. Then, tell a teacher--or in the workplace tell a boss or someone in human resources. The school or your employer will intervene to the extent that it can, but bullies can act quickly and suddenly off the school or work grounds or via the computer. A bully needs a reaction to continue the bullying, and ignoring the threats is one way to take away that power. When being bullied, it is important to never taunt or bully back. Your child should know she's able to tell you immediately about the bullying and you will work to keep her safe.
Don't Confront
When bullying occurs at school, don't confront the bully's parents unless you are friendly with them already. Many children learn to bully at home and the parents are likely to bully, too. If the situation becomes dangerous, engage the help of a third party, such as a guidance counselor or a school mediation program, to work out the problem. In mediation programs, both the bully and the victim meet with parents present and usually sign some sort of agreement to stop the bullying. Mediation programs exist in the workplace and in the court system if the bullying occurs between adults.
Member Comments