It is rarely easy to end a relationship, even when you know that ending it is in your best interest. Perhaps you were hesitant to categorize your relationship as abusive at first, because the signs of emotional abuse are not as obvious as the signs of battery. Now that you've come to terms with the truth, your partner may be attempting to convince you that you are incapable of standing on your own. However, by admitting to yourself that your relationship is abusive, you have already taken the first crucial step toward taking control of your situation. You are stronger than your abuser would have you believe. With courage and determination, you can overcome your self-doubt and move past this painful time in your life.
Step 1
Cut off all contact with your partner. You need to make a clean break from your relationship. Make it clear to your partner that things are over between the two of you and you do not wish to have anymore contact with him. If the two of you share a living space, make arrangements with your friends or family to stay with them until one or the other of you can find your own place. Do not take his phone calls or respond to his email messages. During your time together, he has established a pattern of coercing and manipulating you. To break the cycle, you must get him out of your life.
Step 2
Mentally coach yourself through difficult patches. If you still have feelings for your partner, you may experience moments of loneliness and regret after your breakup. If your partner is actively trying to reconcile with you, you might find yourself tempted to believe his promises that things will be better if you'll give him another chance. Do not allow yourself to be pulled back in. Tell yourself that you deserve better than a person who makes you feel bad about yourself. It might be painful now, but standing by your decision to get out of the relationship will be worth it in the end.
Step 3
Surround yourself with family and friends. An abuser tries to gain control over his victim by cutting her off from any source of support outside himself. To move on, you will need the love and encouragement of people you know you can trust. If you have been too ashamed to tell them the truth about your relationship, confide in them now. Let them help you through the healing process.
Step 4
See a counselor, or join a support group. Your abuser may have maintained his control over you by keeping you isolated, but you do not have to go through your recovery alone. Many people have been through your same experience and want to help you move on.
Tips and Warnings
- Do not expect too much from yourself too soon; getting over an abusive relationship is going to take time.
- Get a restraining order if your ex-partner begins stalking you or threatens violence.
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