Parents should understand that discipline and punishment are drastically different, notes child development expert Valya Telep of Virginia State University. Punishment is a knee-jerk reaction to bad behavior that can be harsh or even humiliate your child. Discipline is a more logical tactic that helps teach your child what she did wrong and works to amend her behavior for next time. Although you've likely heard of timeouts or spankings, neither helps your child do better in the future. Concentrate on proven disciplinary tactics that elicit better behavior from your children.
Choose Your Own
The "choose your own" disciplinary tactic is effective, because your child is the one carefully thinking about what type of discipline best fits his offense. Think of three appropriate disciplinary tactics when your child has done something undesirable. For instance, if he colored on the wall, he can choose to clean it up himself, have you help him and spend some time alone in his room, or throw his crayons in the garbage. Your child then selects his own consequences to suit his offense.
Time Together
Feuding siblings can have you ready to tear your hair out with their constant bickering and fighting. The best discipline for this type of behavior is encouraging the children to spend one-on-one time together, without the distraction of television, video games or toys. Place the two fighting kids in a room for a set amount of time that you've agreed upon. They might find they enjoy each other's company without all the outside noise and things to fight over.
Praise and Love
It may sound counter-intuitive to discipline your child through plenty of praise, but remember that the word "discipline" need not only be a negative reaction to bad behavior. Disciplining your child to behave positively is just as effective as disciplining him not to misbehave, says Alan E. Kazdin, Ph.D., president of the American Psychological Association and author of "The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child." Offer plenty of praise and accolades when he does good things instead of only focusing on the less-than-desirable behaviors that you feel you need to correct.
Ignorance and Projection
Ignoring bad behavior has been a survival tactic of all parents at some point or another. But instead of only ignoring bad behavior as a form of discipline, show concern and attention to the victim of your child's latest escapades. If your child hit someone in play group, rush to the victim's side to make sure that she is alright, all while studiously ignoring your misbehaving child. This tactic teaches your child that you not only will ignore bad behavior but also will show care for another child in her stead, says Iowa State University family life specialist Lesia Oesterreich.
Natural Consequences
Follow the natural consequences to your child's bad behavior, and allow him to reap what he sows. He'll soon learn that when he pesters children, they don't want to play, or that when he doesn't eat his dinner, he feels hungry later. Natural and logical consequences accompany all your child's choices, and it takes a strong parent to step back and allow him to experience those consequences.
References
- Virginia State University Cooperative Extension: Discipline for Young Children--Discipline and Punishment: What Is the Difference?
- Parents: Discipline for Softies
- Iowa State University Extension: Understanding Children: Disciplining Your Preschooler
- "The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child"; Alan E. Kazdin; 2008
