Few parents escape the wrath of their child blossoming into a teen. Even the sweetest of elementary-aged children often acquire a new attitude, wardrobe and colorful vocabulary as they age. Fear not, parents. No matter how often your son expresses his embarrassment that you are related to him or how frequently your daughter is out of the house with friends, you are still the most important person in your teen's life. They may not always express it, but the best thing any parent can give their child is their attention. Providing your child with positive attention and using a consistent discipline program can make parenting a teen easier on you both.
Step 1
Find the good in your teen. What was the last thing you said to your teen? Most likely it was something such as, "Don't forget your homework," "I told you 10 times to take out the trash!" or the ever-popular, "What did you do to your sister?!" As parents, we are constantly giving directions and commands. Instead, let's step back and remember why we love our teen. Your son probably turns in his schoolwork most of the time and your daughter most likely eats dinner with the family before running off to friends or texting. Find all the little things that your teen does well and tell them what it is. Instead of forcing an infrequent, "Good job," tell them specifically and genuinely what you like about them. For example, say, "Sam, you put a lot of work into your shop project. You truly have a knack for building things."
Step 2
Do something together that your teen enjoys. It's easy to spend time with your kids when they are 5--just bust out any game and they come running. Mention "Card Night" to your teen and if you're lucky you'll hear the retort, "Whatever," as he walks out the door. Instead, learn about the activities that your teen enjoys doing. If your son likes playing video games, play with him for a change, or just watch him and comment on how skilled he is. If your daughter enjoys working on car engines, hang out with her in the garage. Doing what she likes will help her realize that you really do care.
Step 3
Provide a positive, predictable environment. Parents, here's the secret: It is extremely difficult to get your teen to do what you want if (a) they don't like you at the moment and (b) they don't know what to expect. Therefore, start with the positives, then begin a predictable consequence program, such as job card grounding. Job card grounding is a discipline program that requires children to earn their way off grounding, rather than simply waiting for time to pass. Whenever your teen breaks a house rule (such as "Do what you're told" and "Be respectful"), give them an immediate consequence, such as a job card.
Step 4
Develop the job cards. First, develop a list of at least 20 jobs (such as clean the baseboards, clean the toilets, sweep the garage and vacuum the stairs). The jobs should not be a part of your child's regular chores, but they could include other family members' typical responsibilities. Also, each job should take 15 to 30 minutes to complete correctly if working diligently. Next, write each job on an index card and a description of how to complete the job.
Step 5
Implement job card grounding. Tell your teen the house rules and about the program. If she complies with the rules, give excited praise. If she is not compliant, say, "Job card for not listening," and give her a card. If your daughter doesn't do her job card, all her privileges are suspended (such as attention from mom, playing on the computer, talking with brother or access to the car). You and the family ignore your teen and act disinterested until she completes the job card. If she gets mad and has a bad reaction, calmly give another job card for disrespect.
Tips and Warnings
- Always praise your teen for following the rules and accepting a job card. When disciplining, don't talk about the evils of her wrong-doing or about past events. For any given offense, never give your child more than two job cards. Your teenager gets no privileges until she completes the chore (even though it may take days).
