Developing self-confidence in children may not be an easy parenting job, but it sets your children up to succeed in all aspects of their life, including their relationships, education and career. A sense of self-confidence is also essential to mental health and the ability to be happy. Poorly developed self-regard is notably associated with discipline and behavioral problems.
Step 1
Make your children feel loved. The unconditional love children feel provides the foundation of their self-esteem and sense of worth. Children need nurturing, undivided attention, interaction, stimulation, physical contact, to be told that they are loved and to feel safe.
Step 2
Show confidence in your children by giving them some independence. Dr. Sears points out that children's self-image is largely based on what they sense others think of them. Oregon State University addresses the importance of providing children with choices for building self-confidence. Also, give your children plenty of opportunities to succeed and some to make mistakes or fail. Family psychologist Michael G. Conner explains that children need more opportunities to succeed, but they must also be taught to learn from minor, non-traumatic failures.
Step 3
Play with your children. This sends the message that they are worth spending time with and reinforces a sense of love. Dr. Sears also states that by taking part in activities children want to do, you offer confirmation that their interests are worthwhile.
Step 4
Point out your childrens' strengths to reinforce the idea that they are good at things. Encourage them to use their talents and pursue their interests. This validates their desires and spurs them to tackle tasks. Dr. Sears explains that this will also lead to increased confidence when approaching activities outside their natural comfort zones.
Step 5
Set well-defined, consistently enforced rules. Limits play a significant role in a child's sense of security, according to BabyCenter. Additionally, it ultimately communicates to children that you trust them to follow rules and do the right thing.
Step 6
Recognize your children's success directly rather than offer generic praises. By being verbal about what was done and why it was good, children learn to focus on tasks and develop confidence in their ability to perform them. BabyCenter adds that generic praise can also create an unhealthy sense of pressure to be perfect.
Step 7
Give your children small, age-appropriate jobs. Not only does this convey your confidence in them, but it lets them feel as if they contribute something valuable, according to Dr. Sears.
Step 8
Encourage self-expression. They should know that it's acceptable to express their feelings, which are valid. BabyCenter includes listening attentively to children and showing them empathy as key parts of developing self-confidence through expression.
Tips and Warnings
- When you need to correct a child, be sure to address the behavior and not the child. For example, instead of telling a child she's bad, refer directly to the inappropriate behavior and explain that it's not allowed and provide a reason. Dr. Conner expresses the importance of rewarding good intentions in addition to focusing on outcomes in developing a child's self-confidence.
- BabyCenter cautions against using comparisons when addressing a child's behavior. Questions along the lines of, "Why can't you be more like your sister?" will gradually instill shame, self-doubt and unhealthy envy. Positive comparisons can be just as damaging, creating pressure to live up to unrealistic standards. Comparing can also strip children of the sense that they stand on their own merits.
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