By the age of 18, a child will have viewed an average of 200,000 violent acts on television, estimates KidsHealth.org. It's no wonder that some parents have children who become overtly violent and aggressive. If your child exhibits violent tendencies, the best way to parent is to constantly be on the lookout for violence triggers, help him find a better outlet for his aggression and serve as a positive example of how to solve problems without resorting to aggression.
Step 1
Watch for violence triggers, suggests the British Broadcasting Corporation. If your child becomes violent when involved in an altercation with another child, watch her carefully. If you sense that she might begin hitting or pushing, remove her from the situation and take her to a quiet place. There, explain that she was getting angry and that she shouldn't play with other children when she feels angry. This approach attaches an emotion to the violent feelings that she has, which helps normalize them.
Step 2
Find a better outlet for your child's excess aggression so he is less likely to exhibit violent tendencies toward other people. A hobby or sport can help him work out his aggression through competition, or karate may teach him how to respectfully harness his feelings and be more confident. Or, you could simply give your child the opportunity to be angry within the confines of your home. A daily venting session with you could help curb his violent feelings, notes the Fredericksburg Free Lance Star.
Step 3
Limit the amount of television or violent video games that your child is allowed to view or to play. Student work at Bryn Mawr notes that the violent acts played out in these scenarios give children an unrealistic view on life, death and violence. When a video game character is able to "power up" after being violently killed, it sends the message to children that violent acts aren't real, or they aren't serious. If you have a violent child, you shouldn't bring violent video games into the home at all. The American Psychological Association warns against the impact of violent video games that put children in a position of power; children studied after playing violent games exhibited more signs of aggression than children who did not play.
Step 4
Praise your child when you notice that she is harnessing her aggression and violent feelings. Your child will likely still feel violent, but when she learns that she can choose to ignore those feelings, she'll feel more confident. Say things like, "Thanks for being kind to that other child," or, "I liked that you didn't get angry at me." These affirmations can discipline your child into learning how to express herself in a calmer manner.
Step 5
Serve as a behavioral role model to your violent child. The New York Daily News reported that parents who were members of violent gangs, such as the Bloods or Crips, were more likely to induct their children into a violent gang lifestyle. Although your lifestyle may not be so extreme, if your child views you being violent toward others or confrontational, he'll learn that the behavior is acceptable. Take care to choose effective communication and courtesy over aggression and violence.
References
- KidsHealth: How TV Affects Your Child
- Bryn Mawr: Video Games: A Cause of Violence and Aggression
- American Psychological Association: Violent Video Games: Myths, Facts, and Unanswered Questions
- NY Daily News: New Blood: Violent Gang Life Is Passed Down From Parent to Child
- The Free Lance-Star: Stopping Violent Children
