It only takes one incident of bullying for a child to learn that he can intimidate someone smaller than him into giving him his way. The more bullying is rewarded in this manner, the more your son will come to rely on it. It is important to teach your child that his aggressive behavior will not be tolerated and that compromise is a better means for problem solving. By setting clear boundaries and modeling appropriate behavior, you can help your child stop his bullying tendencies.
Step 1
Talk to your child about her unacceptable behavior. Start by having a frank conversation with your daughter. Use specific examples of her bullying: "You shoved your little sister when she was playing with the toy you wanted. This is not allowed." Although you may feel angry with your child, refrain from criticizing, attacking or shaming her. Keep your comments focused on examples of her behavior.
Step 2
Discuss the reasons behind your child's bullying behavior. You need to understand why your child behaves the way he does to decide upon the most appropriate course of action. "Kids bully for many reasons," says Kidshealth.org. Insecurity, control, lack of social skills and proper training, and an inability to manage feelings of anger and frustration could explain why your child is bullying others. Once you've identified the causes of his behavior, you can help him create a plan for improving it.
Step 3
Set rules for appropriate behavior. Your child needs to know that hostility, aggression and threats of violence against another person are strictly forbidden. Life.familyeducation.com counsels parents, "Show no tolerance for aggressive behavior. The only way to truly stop bullying is to create a climate where aggressive behavior is consistently not tolerated."
Step 4
Establish reasonable consequences. To change her behavior, you must attach meaningful consequences to bullying and aggression. Kidshealth.org advises tying the consequence to the behavior itself. For example, if your daughter "bullies other kids via email, text messages or a social networking site, dock phone or computer privileges for a period of time." Be firm on the rules you set. Your child is less likely to change her behavior if you are inconsistent about enforcing the consequences.
Step 5
Set a good example. In particular, refrain from spanking your child if he struggles with aggression and violence. In his book "Taming the Spirited Child," Dr. Michael Popkin says, "Kids who are spanked regularly learn to handle many problems by hitting or threatening to hit." If you are trying to stop bullying in your child, model restraint when dealing with an episode of aggressive behavior. Use an alternative means of discipline such as timeouts or taking away privileges.
Tips and Warnings
- Praise your child for showing kindness and respect. Get your child professional help if your attempts to retrain his bullying behavior are not successful.
- You may experience frustration with your child at times; this is normal. Remember that it will take time and practice to acquire better social skills.
References
- Taming the Spirited Child; Michael Popkin, Ph.D.; 2007
- KidsHealth:Teaching Your Kids Not To Bully
- FamilyEducation.com: Dealing With Aggressive and Nasty Behavior In A Child
