In no other relationship will the need for effective communication be more important than in your own family. However, it is important to know that as much as family members love each other, when communication skills are poor, relationships will suffer. With diligent effort, your family can work together to overcome the problems that interfere with good family communication.
Listening Skills
Your family members will not feel comfortable coming to you with a problem if you are a poor listener. There is much more to listening well than merely hearing the words that are being said. Your daughter will know if you are more interested in the book you're reading than in your conversation with her if you aren't making eye contact with her or responding appropriately. She wants your undivided attention and your empathy when she is talking to you. Stop whatever else you are doing and look at your daughter when she asks to speak with you. Listen so that you can respond to her feelings as well as her words.
Taking Turns
Families have trouble communicating with each other when the members are not willing to take turns in a discussion. This is especially problematic if the topic is controversial. It is normal to want your point of view to be heard, but if you aren't willing to allow your spouse the chance to express her thoughts and feelings as well, then both of you are only going to feel frustrated and angry. To overcome this barrier, give your spouse the same courtesy you would like her to show you when it is your turn to talk. Do not formulate your responses in your head when she's expressing herself; this will only keep you at odds with one another. Even if you strongly disagree with her, she deserves your attention and respect. It will be easier to reach a compromise when both parties feel heard.
Verbal Attacks and Criticism
Another problem in family communication is verbal attacks and criticism. When your son comes to confess a mistake he's made, your reaction will determine how comfortable he will be coming to you again in the future. If you begin threatening, belittling or name calling, your son will either shut down emotionally, which will lead to an unsatisfactory one-sided conversation, or he will become angry and defensive, which will likely deteriorate into an argument. Either way, the end result is hurt feelings, and your son will avoid coming to you with something serious again. It is normal to feel anger, disappointment or frustration if your child has done something wrong, but remember that losing control of your temper is more likely to alienate your son than to inspire him to correct his behavior or bring the two of you closer. Choose to have your conversation at a time when you have better control of your emotions.
