If your daughter is in an abusive relationship, either you may be the perfect person to help or you may face the unfortunate reality that your hands are tied. She may feel as though she is in danger if she leaves, or she may not want to expose you to danger. On the other hand, if your daughter is committed to leaving her abuser, your role as a support person can make all the difference. Women in abusive relationships need a safety plan and a support network that they can rely on. Ultimately, it will be your daughter who must decide to leave--you cannot make this choice for her.
Step 1
Talk openly and honestly with your daughter about the relationship. Explain to her the behaviors you've witnessed and the concerns you have about her happiness and safety. The symptoms of physical abuse are obvious, but your daughter may be so enmeshed in a mentally or verbally abusive relationship that she doesn't realize the gravity of the situation. It's better to offer a listening ear and to help her understand her options than to give her your advice or to pass judgment, according to the Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness.
Step 2
Put her in touch with agencies that can help her. Sometimes, even though you want to help, a neutral agency support person, such as a social worker or victim advocate, is the better choice, according to the Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness. These professionals will have more resources and expertise available to them. Your daughter may not feel comfortable talking about deeply personal facets of her relationship with you, and you may not have all the answers she needs. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE to help find support services in your area.
Step 3
Make yourself part of the escape plan. One of the first things your daughter will do when she works with a professional support person is develop a safety plan, according to the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Allow her to keep a bag of her personal belongings at your house, and offer to keep important family documents, such as birth certificates and financial records, safe so she can leave at a moment's notice if necessary.
Step 4
Carry a cell phone with you at all times, especially if your daughter is in the process of leaving her abuser. Be willing to provide transportation and even financial support if possible. Let your daughter decide the type of support she needs from you in this process. Learn as much as you can about relationship abuse as you try to help her.
Step 5
Allow her to make her own choices. Leaving an abuser is a tough decision filled with emotional turmoil. Your daughter might change her mind about leaving several times and then go back to her abuser once you've helped her move out. This rebounding is a common part of the process, especially if your daughter has been abused for some time. Rather than feeling as though your efforts were in vain or isolating your daughter more by withdrawing your support, commit to continuing to help her. Respect her choices.
Step 6
Don't confront your daughter's abuser, no matter how badly you want to. A confrontation places you in immediate danger, but it may also make things worse for your daughter if he decides to take his anger out on her. If you witness an act of violence against your daughter, call the police immediately.
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