Fighting with your child about going to bed is one of the more unpleasant aspects of parenting. By the end of the day, you may be so exhausted that you're willing to let your child climb into your bed with you as long as it means she'll settle down, and you can get some sleep. However, bedtime does not have to turn into a power struggle. With some forethought, planning and determination, you can teach your child to sleep in her own bed, giving you both the gift of a good night's sleep.
Step 1
Communicate your expectations. Start by telling your child that he will be sleeping in his own bed from now on. Keep your language straightforward and simple. Jill Spivack, L.C.S.W., family therapist and co-creator of "The Sleepeasy Solution," recommends saying something like, "Mommies and daddies sleep in their beds, and kids sleep in their own beds." Make it clear that this is the new rule for bedtime.
Step 2
Determine why your child doesn't want to sleep in her own bed. Once you've identified the underlying reasons for her reluctance to sleep alone, make a plan to address any concerns. For example, if your daughter is afraid of the dark, give her some tools to help her cope with her fear. Supernanny.com suggests installing a nightlight, checking the room with her before bedtime or giving her a stuffed animal to "serve as a symbolic protector." You can also reassure her that you'll be right there in case of an emergency.
Step 3
Establish a bedtime routine. A routine will signal to your son that bedtime is approaching and help prepare him for sleep. Keep the order of your routine the same each evening--a bath, followed by a bedtime snack, a story, one last trip to the bathroom and then lights out. The goal of a bedtime routine is to help your child feel calm and relaxed so it will be easier to drift off to sleep.
Step 4
Leave the room immediately. You may be tempted to linger a few extra moments to make sure your child is happily settled, but this will only drag out bedtime. The less fuss you make, the better. Try not to go back in again unless there is a true emergency. If you must return, attend to your daughter's needs quickly and without comment and leave the room right away.
Step 5
Stay strong and be firm with your child. In his book, "The Power of Positive Parenting," Dr. Glenn Latham states, "In the study of human behavior, we have learned that when behavior is attended to at irregular times, it is strengthened; it is more likely to reoccur in similar situations, and is more resistant to change." Giving in to your child's demands will only teach him that if he whines long enough, you will eventually give him his way. This will make things more difficult for you in the long run. If your child gets out of bed, gently, but firmly, escort him back to his room, wish him "Good night" and leave.
References
- "The Power of Positive Parenting"; Dr. Glenn Latham; 1990
- Super Nanny: Getting Your Child To Sleep Alone
- Parenting Magazine: How To Get Your Kid To Sleep In Her Own Bed
