Children can feel jealous of other siblings, friends and family members, but they may not yet understand much about the emotion. A study published in the March-April 2002 issue of Child Development found that children who understood jealousy could differentiate between different emotions and had a more logical reaction to their feelings of jealousy. Talking to your children about jealousy can help foster an environment of sharing emotions and communication. Help them understand the normalcy of jealousy and what to do when they feel jealous.
Step 1
Bake a batch of your child's favorite cookies, making one cookie noticeably larger than the others and one cookie noticeably smaller than the others. Place frosting and sprinkles on the larger cookie, and leave the smaller cookie plain. When the cookies have cooled, invite your child to the table to have one. Serve him the smaller cookie, and serve yourself the larger, more decorated cookie.
Step 2
Begin eating your cookie, and instruct your child to eat hers as well. If she mentions that your cookie looks better or points out your cookie has more frosting, nod enthusiastically and go back to eating, instructing her to do the same. Finish your cookie, and wait until she finishes eating hers as well.
Step 3
Ask your child how he felt when he was eating the smaller, less decorated cookie. If he truly doesn't understand jealousy, he'll likely use the terms "mad" or "sad." When he does, explain that when he wants something that someone else has, it is considered jealousy. Note that when he's jealous, the emotion can often feel like other feelings that typically make him feel bad, but jealousy is directly rated to something that someone else has that he does not.
Step 4
Make a set of emotion flashcards on which you draw different facial expressions, and write the name of the corresponding emotion underneath. On the jealousy card, draw a picture of a cookie to remind your child of the object lesson. Then, give the cards to your child; when she loses her temper, instruct her to show you the flashcard that best describes her feelings at the moment. Allow her to use one or two words to communicate how she is feeling, suggests the University of Wisconsin.
Step 5
Explain to your child that jealousy only lasts a short while, and point out things that he can do to cope with jealousy. For instance, he might think of all the things he has to be thankful for, or he could ask the person that he is feeling jealous of to share. Let him know that he can talk to you when feeling jealous as well. Then, share another cookie of the same size with him.
Things You'll Need
- Large cookie
- Small cookie
- Emotion flashcards
References
- Child Development; Emotion Regulation in Context: The Jealousy Complex Between Young Siblings and Its Relations With Child and Family Characteristics; B.L. Volling, N.L. McElwain, A.L. Miller; April-March 2002
- University of Wisconsin Extension: Emotion Coaching: Five Steps to More Peaceful Parenting
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