Dare to End a relationship
278 members Daring to End a relationship have tracked a total of 294 times
End a relationship that isn't giving you what you need and build your personal strength to find something better. Taking the first step can be hard, but you could be better off in the long-run.
Member Comments
I ended my love with a beautiful but toxic woman 10 months ago. I decided to end because she was wasting me, spending and didnt let me sleep well. She was beautiful, loved me and we had great sex. But, she was angry and argued at least 2 times per week. I was exhausted. In my Bday she didnt give me anything, and that was the point I needed to decide. I cried and had pain in my heart for 3 months. I once told her to return. She agreed, but I didnt come. We have talked to be friends, but I really never returned to see her. Now I am kind of healed. I am swimming and biking again. The sun shines over my heart.
Yet you are posting it here so this addiction must not be a healthy, loving relationship. What's wrong with him?
Not today, a couple weeks ago, but I still see him and sometimes I wish we were still together, even when he was a lousy boyfriend...
Life is too short to wish for something lousy. The world is full of good men. Take excellent care of yourself and they will take excellent care of you, too.
Wow!! Someone hit you and you didn't kill his stupid ass? Wow, that would take some serious self control. He would wake up without his manhood one morning. When someone is treating you badly it's never about you, it's about their sorry ass and their inadequacies/inability to handle their business.
Was going to complain about my boyfriend's hyperactivity and low impulse control when it comes to spending money on cycling gear, but seriously I guess I should be counting my blessings. He seems like a saint compared to these other posts. He has never even raised his voice to me, let alone his hand. He just isn't perfect, but neither am I.
And when you ask if you can make it on your own, got news for you, you aren't making it now, you know. Strangers on the street would be kinder to you than these jerks. Trust me, you can all make it on your own. Left a bad marriage with a wealthy man and started all over with nothing. Recovered it all and then some in four years. Work in a male dominated industry, where the money is, and do some things most women might not be comfortable doing, but hey, better than most men at it. And the great thing is, I make the same money for the same job. And feel so good about myself for meeting challenges I never dreamed possible.
If you can survive these horror stories you call a life, you can do anything. Good luck, gonna go hug the bf for being a saint instead of nagging him for not being perfect.
So i have been married now for 3 years. THings at first we great. Neither one of us were ever fed up with the other. Just after my daughter was born about 18 months ago things have changed. Before he was all about family making things better and always planning a future. Now its me and my job in the army. I got out a year ago, and now we have moved. In the time frame a lot has happend. Cheating, abuse emotionally, physically, etc.. and now im left wondering what am i going to do from here. I dont see the point of being with someone if they make you feel like every day. I want someone who is more focused on family and growning together as a family. Not me and my job. Granted you may not have that job come May! I feel everyday dumb and worthless. He talks so down to me it unreal. But at the end of the day, i look at my child and think how can someone who is so 2 faced. Give me something so wonderful. Can i make it on my own? Can people really change? Will he ever grow up? I feel like im on a sinking ship.. everyday! I do love him, i just dont know where our lives went so wrong. We were so in love, so commited to not hurting each other. And i still want us to work. I want us to be a family. but i think he is on the point where it is what it is. God if i here that one more time.. i want my husband to treat me like his wife. To respect me like his wife. TO thnk of the family before his job and his own self. I dont see that right now ... and i dont know where to go. I hope venting helps me out some.. cuz im so lost its not even funny
So how come "crying" or "sobbing" aren't fitness options? :) Opted for talk it out. Was on the phone for 5 hours starting at midnight. Wasn't even about "us," initially. Someone was unreasonably mean to me and I needed to talk to someone about it before I let out a response that I'd have regretted (like punching the in the face?). And he was there. Dunno what this means, but grappling with confidence issues both in and out of my relationship took its toll. My poor, crusty eyeballs...
He cheated on me in January while I was another state caring for my dying grandfather.
I paid for everything for almost a year, and left my husband for him.
I bought him a van that he smashed the back window out of with a shovel when he was angry, then completely totaled in a separate occurrence when he got a DUI.
He has a problem with drinking and dabbling with drugs, and can turn into a monster when he does either.
In April he beat me up pretty bad (I hit him back though, and I am physically the same size) til I was covered in large black bruises and my clothes were ripped up.
He lies to me constantly and has no consistency at all. (One minute he feels one way, and 5 minutes later, the feeling is no longer true. Not just for relationship stuff, either.)
I finally kicked him out on 5/19 when he told me that he thinks 13 year old girls who are raped are responsible for their abuse because "they should have known better."
Since then we've been in contact (of course because I have been so weak about this) until the other night when he got drunk, hurled insults at me, and walked out. The next night we talked and he told me he wants to sleep with other girls. I know he prefers thinner girls because I was a model when he fell in love with me and he points out women he thinks are hot all the time (usually no bigger than a size 2).
I can't do this anymore. Writing it all out makes it seem so pathetically obvious, but it's the "good stuff" that I keep clinging to, you know? Feeling like I can't fault him because he has problems, and he can be so loving when he's not horrible.
I don't know, this is new for me. I'm used to being "the strong one." I've isolated myself from everyone I used to know for this relationship, and I don't know where to go from here. I know I just need to stay away from him and move on. I'm sick of being fat, and I'm sick of this horrible roller coaster.
Thanks for letting me rant, guys. Sorry if this is annoying, I've just never had a chance to put it all out there like this before.
I hope you're able to find the strength to get away from this person. It sounds like you know the "right thing" to do, but it's hard letting go. I am in the same boat. Our stories are similar in several ways... the drinking, the "occasionally dabbling in drugs" as you put it... and how he can turn into a monster when he does either. I know EXACTLY what you mean. My boyfriend's rage often comes out when he's drinking or doing drugs. And very often that rage is physically violent. I hope you are steadily realizing that you are better than this. No one deserves to be made to feel less than they are. You mentioned he said he "wants to sleep with other girls"? That's terrible. I hope you will use that statement to finally move on. I had to ask myself if the "good stuff" outweighs the "bad stuff" and when it became a toss up, i knew this was a really bad place to be in. I am probably not the best to give advice, as I am going thru a similar thing myself, but focusing on working out and eating well has really helped me --- not only from the standpoint of feeling better about myself, but also having something else to focus on. I find it is the idle alone time that is the hardest... My ex has caught on to me distancing myself from him and I haven't heard from him in almost a week. It seems like not being in contact is helping me. I hope any of this is helpful, if for no other reason than to know that someone else is going thru a similar situation. ~Diane~
Once a pickle, always a pickle. You cant change it back to a cucumber. Dump him.
If he cheats, he will probably always cheat. I have friends who had great relationships, a wonderful girl, but they were cheaters.
He also sounds violent. Get out, find someone else. A lot of men love women bigger than a size 2. He is immature if he is pointing out other girls.
If you dont have a kids with him, then lose his number or change yours. A clean break will be the best thing for you. Then follow some of these other parts of this site. Start workingout get a tan, and find someone new.
Hi, I am 37 and have two fabulous daughters. I have been married to their father for 10 years and we have been together for 13.
I was happy for the first three months of the relationship....that's a lot of UNhappiness. For the longest time, I have tried to change myself to see if it would make him more loving. Pathetic, I know. There was always a thought of "if I were prettier, if I were smarter,thinner, cooked better." Well, really the only if is if he weren't such an .
I have always made excuses for his drinking. I have always taken the blame for his lack of intimacy (if you get my drift), I have always figured it was my fault he didn't want to do things with the girls and I. I would always talk about leaving but come up one more reason to try.
Well, at this point, I am done. I am wasting my time and my daughters' time. They don't need to grow up in a home where the parents clearly are not in love. It's not an abusive home, but it's no good.
I have been a stay at home mom for a few years now. I am ready to chuck it all (except the kids) and move on.
I know I can't just walk out the door. I have to plan a bit. I am trying to first get my health in order. I am not sickly but I am not in good shape mentally or physically. I need to get a job and money, etc. I am anxious to get going.
I am not afraid of being alone. I am afraid of will I be able to support my kids.
I am happy to have a forum to be part of that can give me the support I need. I don't have any family and my friends are great, but I need people who are going thru the same thing.
Thanks!
Just one word...Al-Anon. They can show you how to get yourself in order and how to live with his addiction (whether you are his wife or not b/c he will still be in the picture b/c you have children). They have meetings all over the place. But, in order for it to work you have to be VERY honest with yourself and the reality of some stuff that you might not want to face.
My mother was in your same situation almost 20 years ago and she managed to not only walk away but thrive.
Best wishes!
Don't give up, the grass on the other side is a brilliant green!! I too was in a similar situation but worse. I also made excuses but realized my kids and I deserved to be happy. It took awhile to get myself together but it happened and I finally got my divorce June 2006 after 23 years of marriage. My kids and I are really enjoying life and we know the true meaning of what happiness is now. I wake up every morning and thank God for bringing us to this point.
Remember, you and your kids deserve happiness and you will be able to take care of your kids. They will give you the motivation to make it work. God Bless you and your children!
I foolishly was trying to get pergent a few years ago. and met this man he has been a pain in my side ever sense. he will not hold a job, he is because I filled for child suport after 3 long years. he is still trying to get back with me, even thought I moved out of his house in febuary of last year. I have told him that its over but he does not beleive me or something. he is always telling me that i do not love my daughter and that he "always" takes care of her, but it is just not true. I even have to go to his house to sort out her dirty clothes and wash them for her. when she was a baby he would not change her dipers, when he was watching her no matter how long I was at work. He used to come home when he was to watch her after I was already suposed to be at work; some times an hour and a half or more. I have realy tryed to work with this guy but he is totally crazy. he also punched me in the face and had to take manditory spouce abuse classes as well. he likes to thought out there, that maybe my daughter "is not his kid" but refuses to take the test. this man is 43 YEARS OLD. HELP ME he will not go a way.
If you're not married to him, file for a restraining order. If you are, file for divorce *and* a restraining order.
is my relationship. Some weeks, I'm great with everything, he's wonderful to me and respects me and tries to make an effort to be considerate. Other weeks, he's a jerk, is totally selfish, stays up ALL night talking with his friend on the phone with his stupid little headset, while they play video games together. I wouldn't be worried if I hadn't seen him kiss his friend on the cheek once, when they were drunk. But nothing wrong with affection. Just that when he gets closer with his friend again (who lives 2 hrs away), he gets further from me. I don't want to be the one to question homosexuality, but it seems like more than conicidence that every time he gets closer and talks more with his feminine friend (who also has a live in girlfriend who sleeps while the two are up all night together on the internet), the less we get along. No cuddling when he comes to bed. He starts...like picking at me, invading my space, and poking at me and pressing my buttons, and then when I get pissed he tells me I'm being hypersensitive. And when I'm frustrated and just try to chill out, he keeps bringing it up..."god you're mad." and won't let it go, won't let me relax, follows me around the house, like he's spying on me...if I didn't close the door I swear he'd come into the bathroom while I relieve myself. It's so annoying, such a personal invasion, and such a clear instigation that I really am starting to believe he might have some underlying thing going on, that maybe he doesn't even consciously recognize....but clearly is causing turmoil in our relationship. And no, it's not a monthly thing for me...I keep diaries of my cycle and do many other things to track my moods...this seems to be conicidental with whether or not his friend and him are on "speaking terms"....whatever that means.
so u see there r plenty of men. u dont have to them, but go out, flirt, get attention. ur self esteem will go up to the rooftop, i promise!!
I've been with the same man for 11 years. We each have one child from previous relationships, but he has been the only father figure in my child's life. We have tons of future plans, but the only problem, I don't know if I want to be part of that future.
As I get older, I realize that I'm unhappy, but in these months of "soul-searching," I haven't figured out just what it is I want. Is it the fear of moving forward? The next few years are filled with a lot of uncertainty career wise for both of us. The kids are getting older, I don't want them to see our ho-hum, passive relationship as the 'norm' for them to model. But I don't want to break up our family. So, I'm just wondering if it's okay to be selfish?
I just don't know how to go about it when he thinks that we're more or less okay and I know that he still loves me. I feel like an just for posting, but I need some feedback.
Have you talked to your partner about how you feel or perhaps considered going to couples counselor? Maybe after 11 years you both need a reminder to remember to appreciate the other person and communicate etc. Or maybe you aren't right for each other anymore but if you are feeling selfish and guilty it might help to know you 'tried everything' before moving on. Don't beat yourself up too much though, you deserve to make the choices that are right for you even when they are tough.
Your a woman - we know in our Guts, the deep, dull, trobing feeling in the pit of our belly, our instinct is always right. Im in a simular boat, but Ive no Kids - but after 7 years Im nervous of the unknown.
As for feeling selfish - Respecting yourself and deciding to be true to your own person is the best example a Mother could give to her children. By staying you will give your Kids a negative message - teach them by showing that a unhappy relationship and Unfullfilled life is not acceptable, Show them that they, like you, are deserving of happiness.
Someone told me this about the unknown once..."your life might be , but for you, is familiar".
I'm 23 and I have been dating my boyfriend for a little under 6 months. Even though we live in separate apartments, we have been sleeping over at each other's places practically every evening. Everything seemed perfect. We were talking house, marriage, kids, basically what we were going to do when we were ready. He told me I was perfect, that I would never need to go looking for someone else ever again because I was the only one for him and that the only way he would leave me would be if I didn't want him anymore. We had started taking steps to make the life we wanted in the future a reality. He supported my decision to wait to get married until after I was finished school. When we were out on dates, he never so much as looked at another woman. Like I said, everything was perfect. I just found out this morning by accident that he's been texting/calling/facebooking another woman for at least a month now. My heart hurts so much right now that I have to keep excusing myself from work to go to the bathroom to get myself under control. He is my first love, but now I can't even look at his face without feeling betrayed :(
well a new beginning is always...
not what we would necessarily choose
but it could be good
Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/dare/125-end-a-relationship/#ixzz1TknM2fEG
By Anonymous on March 16, 2012 at 11:31 AM
Men: Never hit a woman, and that goes the same for women. If you hit somebody, is because you cant handle yourself. Is not because this person is making you do it. If someone is not what you expected and doesnt give you what you need in life, is not by arguing and fighting that you will change that person. A few times people change, but most of the times that what it is, and wisdom tells us that when you can´t change things, you have to accept them... or ... LEAVE. LEAVE. LEAVE, not fight and never hit a woman. LEAVE, LEAVE FAR AWAY AND DONT RETURN. Your heart will be healed in a year. And you need to be healed to really offer your best to someone new.