Dare to Rebuild a relationship
492 members Daring to Rebuild a relationship have tracked a total of 331 times
Rebuild a relationship that may have gone awry and strengthen your commitment to one another. This can be an empowering step that benefits both parties for the long run.
Member Comments
Ex and I are talking again. She has been seeing another man during our break up. He is a rebound. We talked and are going to go to some counseling and I myself have been doing a lot of writing and introspection of myself to see what I need to improve upon. She is the woman I want to marry. I'm going slow and being patient. There is a lot of hurt between us. I pray a lot
"Sad"...doesn't even BEGIN to describe what I feel today. Someone really needs to add a few more from the Emotional Quotient platter.
After having my fiancee break off our engagement and downgrading us to BF/GF after falling in love with a man from a foreign country, she then goes back down there after I've had four months of therapy to try to get past it and sleeps with the man to "make sure it was the real thing", and now tells me after two months of us in limbo that she feels that we have no "chemistry" in bed.
"Sad" is about as ineffectual a word for what I feel as "Disappointed" would have been to Caesar.
Funny. I broke up with my boyfriend a year and a few months ago. He was my best friend and up until recently my biggest wish was - to rebuild the relationship. I kept telling everyone I'd be satisfied with just friendship (not even half true at the time). I can say now that I have succeeded. Whether or not it's a good thing I don't know. We crossed the friendship line once, few months ago, after finally discussing every action and feelings before and after the break up, (at that point I was ready to give it another go)but then acted as if nothing happened and it all seemed to fade. We see each other at least once a week and I enjoy his company, but I see things more clearly now and I don't crave as much to be with him as I did before.. In a way I'm glad as it seems I'm finally getting over him, but I'm also sad, knowing what I know now that we broke up in the first place..
I've lied to my boyfriend about my ex on more than one occasion, but he has also made some huge mistakes. (It's a VERY complicated relationship.) How can I make help see that I'm not lying to him about anything so that he'll trust me again? We have a bautiful son together and the two of them mean the world to me... HELP!!
For one it depends on what pertaining to your ex-boyfriend you lied about, no matter how big or small of a lie trust takes awhile to build. As the trust is re-established there will likely be times when the progress you've seen seems to be slipping, but realize that does not mean all progress is lost and be patient with him. Do whatever you can to show him that you are being honest and have nothing to hide and eventually he will come around. Since it does take time and isn't usually a straight path it's important to nurture what you have while trust is being rebuilt and not become frustrated. I do not mean if he treats you poorly to just accept it, but face it with calm at your center, and always try to see where any negative emotion is coming from. Most importantly realize that it takes two to rebuild that trust, and he needs the time to deal with his own inner turmoil to ever move past the distrust he feels.
For one it depends on what pertaining to your ex-boyfriend you lied about, no matter how big or small of a lie trust takes awhile to build. As the trust is re-established there will likely be times when the progress you've seen seems to be slipping, but realize that does not mean all progress is lost and be patient with him. Do whatever you can to show him that you are being honest and have nothing to hide and eventually he will come around. Since it does take time and isn't usually a straight path it's important to nurture what you have while trust is being rebuilt and not become frustrated. I do not mean if he treats you poorly to just accept it, but face it with calm at your center, and always try to see where any negative emotion is coming from. Most importantly realize that it takes two to rebuild that trust, and he needs the time to deal with his own inner turmoil to ever move past the distrust he feels, no matter what you do from your end.
I broke up with my boyfriend in 2009 when i started this. we were seperated for 1 1/2 years and we got back together at the end of 2010. we just got married this past september 9, 2011! goal, RESTORED! and made NEW!
I just wanted to give everyone a bit of my testimonal to this dare. My boyfriend have been through and back. That saying "if it isn't easy, it isn't meant to be" does not apply to us at all.
Since my rebirth and after his inital shock to all of my positive changes (he thought I would change the fact that I wanted to be with him too) we had a long talk and decided we both want this relationship more than anything else and that we did want to get old and do it together.
I have seen some significant changes in our communication style towards each other (both being concious) of our actions and the inner peace we are both finding.
We still have a long way to go but both parties have to want the relationship in order for this dare to really work. If one doesn't want it but at one point it was good...get the "love dare" book, it has worked wonders for thousands.
Good Luck to everyone!
Lately, since I have been communicating more effectively, my boyfriend has been very responsive. Today, I was a bit crabby, and he opted to play a game, which was fine, but decided we needed some quality time before the nights festivities. He was resistant at first, and was very moody -- but he gave me a hug and then APOLOGIZED for "being an ". I could have died when I heard him say that. This spawned us talking about dinner, and him giving me a kiss on the neck for everything I suggested -- until finally we ended up having sex. We both didn't finish -- since it was on a leather couch and it's like 200 degrees, but it was great, and hasn't happened in 2 weeks. I was really so happy. I feel a whole lot better.
Anyway, I have checked out three books from the library: The 5 Love Languages, Relationship Rescue and Mars and Venus Together Forever.
We are slowly but surely getting there.
That is wonderful news. Communication I believe is the key.
Had a talk with my boyfriend yesterday...I approached it differently, and after a few minutes of "I don't want to hear THIS again", he actually started listening. I said that we both screwed up, and we screwed up without even realizing it. I said we made our relationship feel bad sometimes out of sheer stupidity. We both want to make it work and don't want to break up. I know I say things and do things I do not mean, and I know he does too. Even with our problems, both of us never get the feeling that we do not love each other. We both want to be together forever...and I am not going to wait for this relationship to self destruct.
Anyway, he feels kind of upset and resentful because he feels like I "took" some of his freedom away. Not to date other people, but to go out. I feel it's being misdirected, and I think he's blaming me for something I am just slightly involved in. I want him to go out, but in the same respect...I want him to remember that he has someone at home who needs him and wants to spend time with him. When he gets distracted, it just never happens. He feels like I will get mad -- but this whole him going out with friends thing has never happened once in the course of our relationship, so I feel like he is just almost wanting me to be about it? He does a lot for our relationship, he makes all the money, and when we moved, I had to quit my job, so I don't have one, and still search for hours on end everyday. He says it's not about the money, he just can't explain it.
I don't know what I can do to make those things better. I do want to suggest going out and stuff, or things to do, I just don't know how to NOT ask for his opinion on things like that, because I don't want him to be unhappy with the situation.
I am so glad that your boyfriend did start to listen, that's a huge step in the right direction. Why don't you say one day "OK I'm going to have dinner with a friend tonight why don't you go out with your friends" and see what response you get, you might be surprised.
Also remember that relationship discussions with men always get the eye rolling, here we go again look, so try and change things up, again by saying "oh did you see the movie .... is on on Friday lets go and see it" Or, "I booked us a table at ..... for 8 tonight" that way you are taking control of the relationship and not asking for his opinion.
Good luck, and keep us posted it sounds as if you are trying to fix this.
So tonight I am making him a really nice dinner. I didn't bother asking what he wants since he never has ideas anyway. He seems to want me to take charge more.
I am trying to fix it. I know my behavior has been out of line and I have become quite different out of insecurity and past family issues. I love him, and I want to keep him.
I like the idea of you taking some control and not waiting for him to tell you its OK to do something. I know that waiting for the boyfriend to come home can take a toll on your confidence, maybe as you said finding another job will help you both.
tonight is going to be a hard night to try and work on making our relationship better. He is ornery and blaming everything on me. I don't like being told that i have a off look on my face right when i walk into the house after working 12.50 hours. I am going to head downstairs and see if even wants anything to do with me,if not i guess I'll just grab my book and go walking.
Just a suggestion, could you walk before you do the drive home so that you feel relaxed and not show the emotions as soon as you walk through the door. I am not saying you are wrong to show your emotions, just if you both are having a hard time, make it a little easier.
Try and to to your significant other and explain how you feel, trying to fix a relationship takes two, the same as it takes two to break it,
Come back and talk to us.
Its been almost 5 yrs that we've been together, and the past 2 have been ! its like a massive rollar coaster ride, and i have been doin some thinking about how i want to change things. We talked, and we decided we are going to have a "date night" at least once a month. I guess its a start.
I was definetly one of the self involved, take her for granted guys that has realized what bad i was doing. I'm going to start asking myself, what have I done for her today? We live 300 miles apart while she is at grad school, so today I ask myself, "Have I called her beautiful today?" "Have I shown interest in her today, and not talked about myself?" Never take anyone for granted people. Just as i've learned, at the drop of hat, they can be gone.
Yes, they can be gone. I hope it's not too late for you to rebuild this one. Good luck.
I hope the dinner was romantic and . . . um . . . fruitful!
Missing my wife and trying to do everything I can for her. I realize how much I took her for granted and what an idiot I have been. Things will be better forever because I have changed and I will never undervalue what she means to me ever again. Huge wake up call in my life and I cant wait for the chance to prove to her how things will be different. We are going to be such a better couple now and that is exciting.
YES IT IS!!!! xoxoxo
YES IT IS!!!! xoxoxo
I assume that you are an American. If you have been undervaluing your wife part of the reason might be the way American society conditions us to think about our spouses.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201003/the-expectations-trap
As consumers, we are conditioned to be dissatisfied with what we have, to want to acquire something better. This might be good for the economy but it is disaster for the family. You need to think of your wife as a warm, loving, living, and fallible human being. As a husband, it is your duty to value her for the wonderful woman that she is.
An 18 hour date? That's wonderful!
Remember you both need to have realistic expectations of each other. The March 2010 issue of Psychology Today (one year ago) had a great piece about this.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201003/the-expectations-trap
Your husband believes that he has been undervaluing you. Do you agree? If he has then he needs to read this, too. I'll post to him.
An 18 hour date? That's wonderful!
Remember you both need to have realistic expectations of each other. The March 2010 issue of Psychology Today (one year ago) had a great piece about this.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201003/the-expectations-trap
Your husband believes that he has been undervaluing you. Do you agree? If he has then he needs to read this, too. I'll post to him.
I am actively rebuilding a relationship with myself. I have not doneanything for myself lately and it is high time I trreat me like a queen.
good for you!! sometimes we concentrate on satisfying others and completely forget about ourselves, stay strong and be positive!
Here is a great quote related to what you are saying
"I love me, work on me, and build myself up so that I can come to you from a position of wholeness, a position of fullness. I take care of me so that you dont have to. From fullness I can then empty myself, my gifts, my love, my actions, for your ultimate benefit. I am the only one in charge of me, and I am the one ultimitately responsible for me and my well-being. Therefore, as a steward of my greatest gift, my life, I need to take the steps to ensure my health, my calmness of mind, my sanity, and my own validation as a person in the world. Thus, I can free you from having to provide those things for me. Thus, I can truly serve you without needing you to serve me."
I don't know if I am posting in the right place, but here's my story and I am really confused about it.
Back in november I started dating a girl with a big age gap between us. She's beautiful, she's great, and she's exactly how I want a girl to be. Now I have a problem with losing my temper and throwing it on the ones who are close to me. I lost it once, she changed after that and I kind of felt as if I was alone in the relationship so we broke up. We remained friends. We started hooking up later on and went back into a relationship but without the "title". An incident happened to me and I lost my temper again and I spilled it on her. I apologized directly because I realized that I am doing the same mistake again but too late. Later on after a couple of weeks she confronted me and told me that she doesn't think that it will work for us for now but since she does have feelings for me she wants to remain close and be friends. I screw it up again and I need her back because she made a huge difference in my life and I learned a lot from her, in fact she made me a better person.(That's not something I have observed, but that's what the people around me said). I don't know what to do now, I screwed it up twice. Do I deserve a second chance or not? we are supposed to have dinner together tomorrow but am not sure if I should say something about us or just act normally. I'm messed up!
It sounds like you two can be a fine and mutually beneficial couple, but you have a problem with mood stability. Have you considered seeking professional help? A professional could help you to discover whether or not you really do have a problem. If you do then he/she could find therapies or medicines to help.
Making such a move could give her a sign that you are willing to change.
Even if you don't end up with this girl (is she really a girl?) learning about your moods will help you in future relationships for the rest of your life.
Thanks mike... great advice. I definitely should deal with my problem for all kinds of relationships.
However, I decided to let her go. Sometimes if you love someone, u should let them go. If they come back, then you both are meant for each other. If not, then you weren't.
I joined in july & still moving on. My kids seem happy and my hubby's actually making the effort to comfort & make me feel needed, with appreciation. I can't complain, it took a lot of tears with talking about what was makin us so angry. Still have tons of work to do on our relationship...
Anyone else feel like they have sort of 'drifted away' from their other half because of you're uncomfortable with the way you look ? I definitely do :( It's gotten really bad . He feels like there's something wrong with him ! But it's me - I don't feel pretty anymore . I hope losing some weight will help make things better but I know I should also try to rebuild my relationship other ways ! Any tips ?
By Anonymous on May 10, 2012 at 09:28 AM
My girlfriend and i aren't as close as we use to be. she seemed to have lost my trust awhile back, when she cheated on me with an ex of hers. we split for a couple of weeks and got back together, but things aren't just the same between us. i mean i still love her. we've been doing the long distance relationship for awhile now, because i am on a business trip. but to me it seems like were drifting apart. what should i do?