100 LBS IN 10 MONTHS CHALLENGE Group

Dating and Weight Loss

posted by loquinmalie on 10:59 am

Sooooo I've run across kind of a thing -- As you guys know, I've been going out on lots of dates since this group started. Most of them have been duds, but seeing James on Mon. and Tues. really reestablished my hope and belief that there is someone out there that is right for me and I will find him -- maybe next time he won't live thousands of miles away?
 
But that isn't my issue - my issue is that I hadn't realized how much my thought revolves around weight loss. First there is the obvious issue of if you go out with a guy to a restaraunt, what do you order? I am absolutely not going to try and explain "Oh I'm losing weight so I'm not going to get this, this or that." And I'm not going to order salad and hope for the best because generally I don't like restaraunt salads. This can be mitigated by going out to "healthier" restaraunts or those with better choices on the menu. And of course eating less. But again the old standby of packaging half up before you even get it feels awkward in a date situation. And then there is the random empty carbs you find everywhere in a restaraunt. I try and stay away from processed grains so I don't dip into the bread basket. My town has a lot of really great asian restaraunts (mostly Thai and Korean) and those tend to come with rice. I actually have been telling dates that I "just don't really like white rice" when I refuse it.
 
And with dinner comes drinks. And that's a whole 'nother ball game. Obviously you don't want to get schnickered when you're out with a new guy (or gal). But even two beers can totally throw you off your game if you hadn't been prepared for that. And guys have a tendency to order for you (well, they do for me, maybe not for you) and so you get back to your table after stepping away for a moment and look! Your drink is refilled! Et voila! In nicer places wine comes in smaller portions so there its pretty safe to get a nice glass of wine and not overdo it on calories or intoxicants. If you're meeting up in a bar (like I did on Monday) that doesn't quite work so well. One trick is to drive yourself - then you can decline a second drink for obvious reasons. And you're not stuck on a date with a guy who might turn out to be totally incompatible with you. If he did pick you up then get a glass of water as well as your beer or cocktail or whatever and mostly drink the water. Or if you're really lucky the conversation will be so good that you won't be drinking as much because you're so absorbed.
 
Now speaking of conversation - this is where I found myself stumbling. Because losing weight, the process of losing weight and thinking about calories and nutrients and cooking, and writing about all of this has become such a huge part of my life in the past year and a half! I'm hugely interested in the sociology of a culture that insists that all people must comlpy to a physical ideal and then does everything in its power to stop people from getting there. Fat shaming angers and fascinates me. Obese people are being discriminated against every single day and yet when someone tries to raise cry against this the population says "Oh dont' defend them! It's for their own good!" Imagine the world if that arguement had worked when they used it against black people? Or women's lib? "Don't let women vote, it's more healthy for them to stay at home and raise kids!" "People at the front of the bus are more at risk of injury in an accident - its for their own good!" So when I'm on a date and the guy asks what I'm interested in - what I'm passionate about --- weight loss and weight politics is what jumps into my head. But I'm not comfortable telling these guys who are all but strangers to me that yes, I was obese. Now I'm overweight. The personal is politcal here. So I get uncomfortable. Haven't thought of a fix for that one - any ideas?