Dr. Ferrara has worked with children and adult survivors of abuse for more than 20 years in Conn., N.Y. and Fla. She is currently in private practice in Tampa, Fla., and is affiliated with the University of South Florida as an adjunct associate professor.
DR. F. FELICIA FERRARA: Hello! I'm Doctor Felicia and the parent coach and I have been working with children and families for over twenty five years now. And I'd like to share with you on how to discipline a toddler. Now, discipline is probably not even the correct word, perhaps we might call shaping behavior of a toddler because the truth is a toddler's mind does not have the conception of clear right and wrong. They certain know when you're not happy with them but you want to keep your discipline in a more positive light. You can shush them away, for instance, say they're trying to play with the light switch and, of course, you know they shouldn't be and hopefully you have your safety mechanisms on the light switches so they don't. But if they should go to a place where they might get hurt and you need to say, "No. No, don't do that," instead of yelling and screaming at them you want to just shake the hands and softly say, "No. No, that's not for you," and distract them by bringing them to another toy, another activity or another saying. Little toddlers are so easy to distract. Now granted that there are several toddlers that have very strong will, there's no doubt about that, that's why they call it the terrible twos and that's why when they are yelling at you and they're in their heat of their tantrum or maybe arching their back you're not going to get anywhere with that. The main thing to do there is to calm them down first, you soothe them, hold them, rock them and try to distract them by soothing thoughts, not by spanking. If you spank them like that it only gets them even more irritated and then they start screaming more so the both of you are sitting there like two little children having a war of the minds again. So what you want to do with a toddler is distract them from the place they are that you don't want them, model the behavior that you want them to have, speak to them in a very soft voice and try to reason with them because remember you're setting the pattern of the mother-child relationship from early on. So how you are perceived by that child has a lot to do with how you handle them even in the toddler age. So by three, four and five years old then they already know what to expect from you as far as behavior and to get the best response be reasonable, talk softly, explain what's happening and, of course, by all means, as a parent putting up with a lot of tantrums count from 1 to 10 before you respond. Alright? And may you have a happy time with your toddler and correct them with an easy manner. God bless.
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