Dr. Ferrara has worked with children and adult survivors of abuse for over twenty years in CT, NY and FL. She is currently in private practice in Tampa, FL and affiliated with the University of South Florida as adjunct associate professor.
DR. F. FELICIA FERRARA, PhD: Hello! I'm Dr. Felicia, the parent coach, and I've been working with children and families for about 25 years now. So what I'd like to share with you today is how to encourage independence in your child. It's very important. It has to start young. As pedia used to say, the ages from five to seven is when a child learns to socialize, and the ages from seven to about ten is the stage of life when a child learns initiative. Initiative learning is very important because if they do it on their own and if they're successful, it builds confidence within them, and it also teaches them that they can do it. And this starts with some actions that are very, very simple. For instance, a young child of five years old should be able to work with a butter knife to cut their meat. Very often we have people who overly mother their children, and they might cut the meat for them, and actually feed them off the dish. By five and six years old, that child should well be feeding themselves, should be able to dress themselves, certainly might not tie shoes but should be able to dress themselves, and maybe close a closure on their pants and their clothes. But teaching that initiative has to start with mom and dad. You have to let them go. You have to have patience. You're going to sit by and watch them fumble, but that's part of learning. It's just like when they start with their tippy cup when they're very, very small as a toddler, some parents don't want their child to mess up with the tippy cup, but in fact, that teaches coordination to the child, and it's very important for that child to learn to feed themselves. So you see, it starts very, very young. You can't expect to overly mother a child or over protect the child, and then by teen years say, "Okay, you're on your own now", you know, "Take care of yourself". It doesn't work that way. You teach them, and guide them, and shape their behavior by allowing them to make some mistakes, allowing them to fumble, that's the way they learn, but being patient all along and being right there to help them pick up the pieces. That's what a good parent will do to encourage independence in their child. I wish you good luck and lots of patience.
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