You have every right to be upset after a breakup, notes the Villanova University Counseling Center website. Denial, grief and guilt are some of the emotions that can be experienced after a breakup, as well as jealousy and anger. Susan Elliott, author of "Getting Past Your Breakup," recommends taking a good look at your feelings and trying to understand them so that you can eventually put the relationship in perspective and move on.
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Seek out a support system. Family and friends who care about you and are willing to listen can help you cope after a breakup. Elliott suggests confiding only in friends who aren't close to your ex. You don't want your feelings shared with him.
Stick to a daily routine. Get up in the morning, even though you don't feel like it, and go to work or school, as you usually would. In the evenings, when you might have been with your ex, do household tasks, meet with friends, or go out jogging. By busying yourself, you will have less time to focus on your ex, advises Lisa Steadman, author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."
Find constructive ways to bring closure to the relationship. Journaling, arts and crafts are just some of the suggestions offered by the Villanova University website. By creating a safe and private outlet for your feelings, you will be less likely to act on them, as noted in "The Girl's Guide to Surviving a Breakup." You might also get to the roots of your jealousy, which probably have nothing to do you with your ex.
Avoid contacting your ex partner. If necessary, unfriend or block your ex on social networking websites. Don't create new accounts on social networking websites to keep track of your ex. Delete any romantic, email messages that he sent in the past, and delete his number from your cell phone.
Avoid places that you and your ex frequented. Don't drive past his house to see if a new love is there. Some places may be impossible to avoid, particularly if you work in the same place or attend the same school; however, dwelling on your ex and seeing him will only rekindle the feelings you want to work through and put behind you.
Give yourself time. Emotions are a tricky subject, and everyone reacts differently. A breakup takes time to get over, and the length of time is different for everyone, Lynn Harris and Chris Kalb write in "Breakup Girl to the Rescue!" No one can tell you when your heart will heal. Give yourself permission to work through your feelings at your own pace.
REFERENCES & RESOURCES
- Villanova University Counseling Center: Relationship Breakup
- "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown"; Lisa Steadman; 2007
- "The Girl's Guide to Surviving a Breakup"; Delphine Hirsh; 2002
- "Breakup Girl to the Rescue!"; Lynn Harris, Chris Kalb; 2002
- "Getting Past Your Breakup"; Susan J. Elliott; 2009
- University of Texas Dallas: Self Help: Coping with a Breakup