How to Win Your Husband Back After an Affair

An affair doesn't have to lead to a divorce. If both parties want to work through the hurt that has been caused and rebuild their marriage, it is definitely possible. It takes time, dedication and perseverance, however, particularly on the part of the person who had the affair. Take it one step at a time and put all your energy into winning your husband back. Your marriage may end up being stronger than ever.

A husband and wife talking to each other on a couch. (Image: Digital Vision./Photodisc/Getty Images)

Step 1

Cut all ties with the person you had the affair with. Delete all contact details from your cell phone and computer. Change your cell phone number if you think he might try to get in touch with you. You can only move on and try to rebuild your marriage if the affair is 100 percent over, says psychologist Phil McGraw.

Step 2

Take responsibility for the heartache your betrayal has caused. Your husband may have contributed to the breakdown of your relationship, but he did not force you to have an affair. You may have felt rejected, neglected or lonely in your marriage, but before you start discussing those issues, you need to acknowledge what you did wrong, without placing blame on your husband. Tell your husband: "I made a huge mistake; I'm sorry, and I want to make things right."

Step 3

Commit fully to staying in the relationship and do all you can to help your husband get over your affair. It is likely to take a long time for him to forgive you. He might need you to keep in regular contact with him while you're apart via phone calls, text messages or emails. Let him know exactly where you are going to be and when, and make sure you stick to your arrangements. If he has any reason not to trust you again, it will be even harder to repair your broken relationship. Make sure your schedule is an open book, advises licensed marriage and family therapist Sheri Meyers.

Step 4

Reassure your husband that you love him and are committed to your marriage as often as he needs it. Show him how much you care on a daily basis. From small gestures like sending him a text out of the blue just to tell him you miss him, to surprising him with a romantic weekend away, it will all help you to reconnect.


Accept that there may come a point where it becomes clear that the marriage is just not going to work. If your husband is unable to forgive you and move on after several months, it could be time to part ways. Not all couples survive infidelity.

Don't stay in an unhappy, unhealthy marriage solely for the sake of your children. Think of the example you are setting them. Kids are better off coming from a broken home than being a part of one, says Dr. Phil.

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