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well, don't even know how to start on this

Ok i really don't even know where to start with this, i'm 18(this is my 3rd year of living alone) and for example this week i finished 2 bottles of vodka and 3 bottles of whiskey going into the fourth. That's not usually an issue since i have a good liver and i have been addicted to alcohol for like 2 years now, but not in the maniac way, in the it helps me not to kill myself way. I don't even know i i can quit it since it's the only thing that helps me kind of control what's going on in my head. I have really never considered quitting it, even when i was working out before i used to just go the gym and force myself till i could not even move, but i never skipped a day. Aspirin and hard alcohol did the trick, but now i wanna go ahead and start another kind of workout, like not my usual go in blind and tear a muscle. I wanna push myself beyond the limit, but with discipline and somewhat of a diet(i'm not a big guy and my metabolism is so fast i never have to care about what i eat). I wanna try and harden my body by breaking it(but again, with somewhat of a discipline, not recklessly), and same with my mind, and alcohol miiiight be an issue here. Don't have an exact idea on how i would go about this yet but just decided to throw this here to see what you guys think.

    • I have a friend who is a councilor for addiction in FL. He husband & her two sons have been fighting addiction. It's a constant struggle but one that you need to address. You have on here. Please seek out help. There are so many people who can reach out & help you. Don't give up Seek & you will find

    • The start of a new year is a good time to start your new life. It will take you a few weeks to get all of the alcohol out of your system to overcome your physical addiction. You will need to change your habits to overcome your mental habit. You probably drink at certain times of the day or certain activities, such as after work, maybe even during work. You need to shake up your routine to change your thought patterns. Get busy and do something productive. Paint your room. Volunteer for a cause you might care for, where you can meet different types of people and develop other interests. Exercise is a good outlet, but it sounds as if you are almost using it as another form of self abuse when you speak of breaking yourself. If you can realize your self worth, and understand that you have a real purpose in life, it will help you to move in a more positive direction. Music has always helped me change my attitude. When I feel frustrated and angry cranking up some Pantera ALWAYS makes me feel better. Then I can make better choices. I used to be a heavy drinker too, but have been alcohol free for 19 years. It's hard sometimes, but it gets easier as time goes on and your life really will get better. If you have to will to go to the gym, you have the will to stop drinking. Please try, because I know you can do it!

    • The killer?
      Well I guess you are killing yourself.
      Alcohol is not your friend.
      Get medical advice before you stop.
      I am sorry you are going through this.
      Very sorry.
      Do not do this alone.
      Reach out for help.
      It's nothing to be ashamed about.
      It can happen to anyone.
      You are worthy.