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The Glade. Written By Hope Hawkins

I always saw it in my dreams. The long, dewy grass and colorful flowers, beautiful blue sky, and golden sun shining down on my face. Barefoot, I felt the soft ground under my feet. Then I heard it. Quietly from the distance I heard my name. "Zie. Zie. Zie ." Where was it coming from? Looking around frantically trying to find the source of where the voice was coming from. "Hello?" I called in response. I saw a shadow out in the distance. Squinting my eyes to try to make out who it was. It disappeared, leaving me with delusions of grandeur.

This is the first paragraph of my story. Tell me what you think and if you want to se the rest!!

    • is it a short story or longer?

    • It's pretty long. It's still a work in progress

    • Paragraph 2

      I woke up. Covered in sweat I looked around my room. Was it really all just a dream? This wasn't the first time I've had this dream. I've had it everyday for the past two weeks and every time the shadow appears it vanishes right before I can see who it is. However, last night was different. The shadow called out to me. This was the first time the shadow ever said anything. Yes, it's all a dream but I feel like I'm missing something. Like that it connects somehow to the real world. If that's true...who is the shadow and why are they calling my name?...

    • Paragraph 4

      Suddenly I'm snapped back into reality. The searing pain in my back and cold metal around my ankles. I slowly reach up and feel the spots where my horns used to be. Blank walls stare back at me. A face peeks through the barred window on my door. I slump. I remembered just how helpless I really am. These people stripped me of everything. They tore off my wings and cut off my horns. They chained me up by my ankles and locked me away in a cell. Tears formed in my eyes as I stared helplessly at the person through the window. "Please" I begged. They ignored me and continued to walk by.

    • Paragraph 3*^^ oops

    • my interest is peaked smile

    • Paragraph 4

      I had a bad feeling in my gut. My cell door cracked open and a man stepped inside. "Having fun yet?" I moved as close to the corner as I could and looked at him with a terrified look. This happens everyday. They take me out of my cell just to torture me some more. "I see" he looks away from me and goes quiet. I wait patiently. He's just waiting to catch me off guard.

    • Paragraph 5

      He pulls a small blade out of his pocket. It has a crystal embedded in the handle which makes the whole blade look like its glowing soft blue. That blade looks familiar. "This is the same blade we used when we removed those wings from your back." My mind is flooded with the memory. My eyes go black and I stare at the ground. The pain comes back with all the memories. I scream out in pain and my vision goes dark.

    • Paragraph 6

      Was I dreaming again? It's dark. I can't feel my body at all. Why am I so warm? "He's awake" I hear whispers around me. Confusion fills my head and I'm left with a strange feeling. They must of blindfolded me. The shackles around my ankles are gone. The cold metal just a distant thought.

    • Paragraph 7

      metal just a distant thought.
      When the blindfold is removed bright light floods my vision. Where am I? "Hello!" My eyes slowly start to get used to the light and I see a girl smiling back at me. "You look terrible." She frowned and put her hands on her hips. "Masha?.." It can't be. "A thank you would of been nice!" her long black hair almost falls past her waist. I don't get it. Why is she here? "Where am I exactly? Why should I thank you?..." "We rescued you! Duh!" Her pink eyes are filled with pride.

    • Paragraph 8

      "Excuse me.." another girl appears behind Masha. "Hello I'm Shu" she smiles gently. I don't recognize her. "I hope your feeling better. I put a healing oil on you which should numb the pain for a while." Masha helps me up on my feet and I smile at Shu. "Thank you. I'm feeling much better." Shu blushes and nods.

    • Do you want feedback? Or is it just for you? Are you going to attempt to get published?

    • I would love feedback! Idk what im trying to achieve here honestly

    • A few questions first-

      Who is your audience? Kids? Teens? Adults? Your teachers?

      Do you have a rough plan for where it's going? Some of the best writing has foreshadowing, and to do that, you need a plan.

      If it's just for you, it doesn't really matter how or what you write. But if you're considering publishing...

      Work on transitioning from one idea to another. I wasn't sure how the dream fit with the girl/animal who was shackled. It was a lot to follow right off the bat. Your typical fiction piece will establish main characters, setting, and the problem in the first chapter or two.

      My only other thought is show, don't tell. Use the characters' thoughts and actions to show us how they are feeling instead of outright saying it. Let us make some inferences and leave a little mystery.

    • Thanks that was all so helpful! I will keep that in mind! And honestly I wasn't writing this for it to be published I just randomly started writing this so I had no idea where it was going.

    • I'm intrigued. Keep writing please!

    • Paragraph 9

      Masha rolls her eyes and pushes Shu away. "So.. I should probably explain why we broke you out." "That would be nice." I laugh. It feels strange after being so depressed and in pain for so long. "Zeshi is in trouble." Hearing that name causes my eyes to go black for a second and then I look back at Masha. "You mean..." "your mother...Yes." "No" I shake my head. "Zie! Please hear me out!" "No way I'm not helping you! Even if I wanted too just look at me! I'm useless now."

    • Paragraph 10

      A man appears behind Masha. Long horns curl around both sides of his head. Without a word Masha steps away. "Listen young man. We wouldn't of went through all this trouble to break you out if you were useless now would we?" "Well.. n-" "We can give you new wings and help restore you back to your old self but we need something from you first." Do I trust this man? I look over at Masha. She gives me a 'you should listen to him.' Look.

    • momjo2018 has a Gold Membership
      Gold Member

      Jan 24 at 04:38 PM

      Very interesting read (^_^)
      Keep on writing please.