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Going crazy!

I am not trying to stop drinking but I am trying to stop myself from wanting to turn to it. My husband left me on Christmas Eve and I have our 2 kids. Everything is so stressful. He took my car and we lived at his aunts little apt behind her house. I have to find a place to move now and I have no vehicle or money. I dont have any supportive family or any friends for support. My husband never let me talk to friends and now I have no support. All I want to do is drink every time another problem arises and they are happening back to back! He is constantly trying to upset me and hurt me and I am beyond falling apart. If I didn't have my kids with me now I don't know where I would be. I need support and someone to talk to and I don't even have that. :'-( Im trying so hard not to drink.

    • Have things gotten a bit better since you posted, or are they still the same? If you want you can talk to me.

    • 2tacos has a Gold Membership
      Gold Member

      Dec 29 at 04:43 AM

      I'm so sorry to hear that, Wendy. How are you today?

    • Unfortunately things have just gotten worse. We have to leave the place we are at and go stay at a shelter. My husband wants to try to take my kids away from me and he couldn't care how much his kids are hurt by the things he is doing to me just to try to hurt me. I feel so worthless.

    • 2tacos has a Gold Membership
      Gold Member

      Dec 30 at 04:24 AM

      That is very tough. I hope you are able to reach out to the social services in your community for further help.

    • oldtimer40 has a Gold Membership
      Gold Member

      Dec 30 at 06:39 AM

      Just celebrated 31 years of sobriety on November 14. Never been happier. Read several post from people questioning if they were alcoholic or just drink too much. The answer to this question can only be determined by the person asking the question.
      The key to my sobriety was provided by AA and loving brothers and sisters in my group meetings encouraging me to be honest.
      I have read where many people do not believe in AA and that is okay with me. But AA saved my life. This program is free and has allowed many to recover.

      So for all the "normal people" who are struggling with alcohol, I would recommend you give this program a "shot". There are not any perfect programs just as there are not any perfect people. The God of my understanding gave me a daily reprieve so I have stayed sober for 31 years; one day at a time.

    • Thank you Taco! Yesterday was super rough and I made it through it. I did have 2 beers at night after things started to get better. I am going to be staying here for 2 weeks and then I am going to move outta town to my dads. I told him what was going on and he said he wants us to go back home. He built me a apartment behind his house a long time ago and he said he will clean it up for me and the kids. My husband also was starting to be nice to me yesterday but Im not going to count on that lasting for long. Thank you guys for the support. It really helped just knowing someone was listening. ??

    • 2tacos has a Gold Membership
      Gold Member

      Dec 30 at 02:12 PM

      Hang in there, Wendy!

      That sounds like a sound plan.

    • As someone who grew up in an abusive household with a horrible father, I can tell you that you are doing the right thing in distancing yourself from the chaos and controlling behavior of someone who is abusive! I ran away from home at 17. Even though it was scary, my life got so much better when I knew that I was the one who could sculpt my own life. I'm 37 now, with a college degree and self-sufficient. Sure-I have my sad days, but that inner strength is what fuels me everyday to keep on improving things to my liking. Hang in there, Wendy! You have the power!

    • mdyoung5165 has a Gold Membership
      Gold Member

      Jan 19 at 11:31 PM

      Hi Wendy
      I hope you find the help you need. AA is very supportive and you can find join a group around the clock (24/7), with online meetings, most only require the desire to stop drinking to join.

      Here is a link to all of the online meetings:

      https://aa-intergroup.org/oiaa/meetings/

    • Hi, Wendy.

      I just saw this...

      Have you relocated to your Dad's place?
      How are you managing now?

      I'm worried for you; leaving is hard in so many ways and you may feel isolated and desperate...remember that everything is temporary. Even this...

      I am praying for you and your family to find safety and peace, happiness and stability.

    • Thanks KJ! Yes I am living in the apt by my dads. Ive been here 3 weeks and its been tough being kinda lonely but Im managing. I posted this when I had just separated from my husband and things were bad. But we are on good terms doing the separate thing right now different cities..makes it easier. I am a decent amount of happy. :-D

    • So glad you're in a better place physically and emotionally!

      I was worried...

    • Wendy - remember this
      You are WORTHY ,
      Your 2 children need their mumma and rely on her for everything
      You are beautiful
      You are strong and you are WORTHY -
      We are all here to support you and chat if you need to
      One step at a time okay - it will get easier I promise just keep your spirits high and look after your little family x

    • Try and practice mindfulness. the truth is turning to the bottle will just give you a headache, waste the little money you have and make you alienated from your children and start to change your mood and personality. it will also destroy nyour liver in the long run because you teach yourself to turn to it to cope. got the same problem with balancing school and work and this pandemic. with mindfulness you will observe yourself making these thoughts and put yourself in control. get a pdf version of a book called the Power of Now. Anytime you have such thoughts get up, go for a run and listen to your thoughts , don't judge them, just observe. that process will put you in a position where you realise that some of those thoughts are immature and not beneficial...it's a lot , pick up this book , read it/ get it on audible and start running. Distract yourself from those thoughts just bad they distract you. You will win.

    • Hey Wendy...U right now r in a really tough situation...this moment I am sure feels like it will never get better. You have been hurt...broken...lost.

      I know this seems crazy but God sent this break into ur life...to see if u can keep strong. He wants to make sure that you can be there (maybe for ur kids when they go through a break...u understand and u r there) God wants u to keep going...

      Exodus 14:13-
      "Do not fear for you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you."

      This means that you r in a break right now...but it WILL get better. God gives us breaks to test our ability to stay strong...you have to keep going, because u WILL HAVE BETTER! He never puts us in a bad place without giving us something better.

      Honestly last year I was depressed, mad, lost. I had a horrible relationship with my brother...and weighed 180 pounds! I felt that nothing would get better. I wanted to cry every night, I had no motivation to keep going. (This had been going on for a whole year.) But then God saved me...he gave me a GREAT life...healed my heart, my relationships, my mental state and helped me lose some weight and learn how to be happy! Today without that break I wouldn't be as strong as I am...I wouldn't be as found or happy!

      Pleas keep in there...U will see his deliverance!

    • The current moment might not be too great...but it will lead to greatness... Have a good day.

    • ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

    • cmsmith8 has a Gold Membership
      Gold Member

      May 29 at 06:46 AM

      Hi Wendy,
      You don't know me, but this community has known me for 11 years. I would like to share my story with you to give you some encouragement that you can do this. Before I begin, let me say your dad is great!!! Thank God!

      In 1989, at 33 years old, my alcoholic husband increased his drinking, rantings and ravings to a life threatening level for me and my four children ages 12,11,9 and 7. He had lost a job, we had lost our small business, we had just gone bankrupt and my 9 year old went into a diabetic coma all within 12 months.

      So, with 30 dollars in my pocket I called my parents who lived 3 hours away and asked them to come and get me while my husband was away all day at a new job. I stayed in my parents large home (I am one of ten children) and immediately went to welfare to get emergency food, medical (insulin was $300 a month) and applied for an apartment and cash benefits, with my parents driving me as I did not have a car. How crushed I was to have to go to court and get an order to keep him away. He was violent and angry at first.

      Weeks later, as I settled into going to college for the first time while the kids were in school, he tried to warm his way into my newly set up and sober lifestyle. I could not trust him ever again. Fast-forward to today. 2 of the 4 kids did go to college and all 4 are doing well and have 6 children between them. They are 44,43,40 and 38. I had a 20 yr career as an accountant and assistant dean at a University. I am now comfortably retired in Florida with my second husband who I have been with for 25 years. Life is good!

      But, I spent a lot of the first years living minute to minute, paycheck to barely paycheck, praying and crying often in those early years. I also kept saying the best revenge is to be successful in whatever you do. If I can do it, anyone can do it, really! My heart felt sympathy to you and I will be thinking of you. Here is one of my mottos

      Sincerely, Catherine

    • Thanks Cat Mom!!!
      XO
      ❤️
      Sky

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