Communication is Key
When two libidos vary, the person with higher desire may naturally initiate most often. But really the lower-libido partner controls the sexual relationship, said Fleming, whether they wish to or not, by determining how often sex happens.
“For the higher-libido partner, I first recommend that they communicate to their partner what sex helps them to feel [or] experience,” she said. “Commonly, the low-libido partner feels as if their high-libido partner just wants sex, and it could be with anyone. In 15 years of experience [as a sex therapist], I’d say that’s almost completely not true.”
Most higher-drive partners only desire sex with their partner, she added. Through sex, they feel more connected. With less pressure for “sex for the sake of sex,” your partner may feel more desirous because they, too, desire that connection.