Anger triggers a physical reaction that increases most people's energy and tension levels. Learning to calm down before anger gets out of control presents a challenge for many children. Since anger causes increases in heart rate and blood pressure, sensory activities designed to lower those are often helpful. Experiment with different sensory activities when your child is calm and happy, or just beginning to become agitated, to determine which ones calm him and which ones increase his tension before you need to help him calm down.
Repetitive Motion
Activities involving repetitive motion divert energy and thoughts away from angry feelings. Many children find swinging or rocking in a rocking chair calming. You can often see a child's body visibly relax after a few minutes swinging or rocking and anger frequently dissipates along with the tension. However, the vestibular, or balance center of the brain, stimulation that occurs with swinging can be agitating or exciting rather than calming for some children. Make sure that your child finds it soothing before using it as a response to anger. For other children, repetitive tactile experiences, such as pouring water, squeezing play dough or painting are calming. Try sitting down to model one of these activities with some of the materials when you notice your child becoming angry. She may take the materials away from you to "punish" you, and then find herself calming down as she plays.
Deep Breathing
Deep breathing reduces stress and calms anger by increasing oxygen to the brain. The act of taking a deep breath requires a conscious effort and can provide a brief distraction away from your child's anger. Blowing bubbles or blowing up balloons both provide excellent distractions because they combine activities that children typically enjoy with the need to take deep, focused breaths. Similarly, taking the time to smell pleasant, relaxing fragrances, such as peppermint or lavender, encourages deep breathing and helps your angry child shift his focus away from his angry feelings.
Exercise
Intense exercise increases oxygen to the brain by forcing deep breathing, helps your body relax, and causes your brain to release endorphins resulting in a feeling of happiness. When your child is angry, try encouraging her to go for a run or brisk walk. Activities like jump rope, which combine exercise and repetitive motion, can also be very helpful. Look for activities that your child already enjoys and invite her to try them when she is angry. If she is reluctant, encourage her to chase you or challenge her to jump more times or higher than you.
Deep Pressure
Some children have more trouble calming down than others. Exercise and repetitive motion exercises may make them angrier instead of soothing them. Providing proprioceptive input, or helping your child orient to where he is in space, can reduce his anxiety and help him calm down. These activities include giving him a massage, wrapping him in a heavy or weighted blanket, or encouraging him to bury himself in pillows. A weak proprioceptive system sometimes exacerbates the out-of-control feelings associated with anger by causing your child to loose the sense of where he is, which makes him feel panicked and angrier. Deep pressure may orient him and help him calm down. However, explore his reaction to this type of activity before he gets angry to assess if it is soothing for your child or not.
References
- University of New Mexico Center for Development and Disability; Self Regulation/Self Control: Tips and Strategies; March 2007
- The Center for Growth; Releasing Anxiety Through Repetitive Motion; Caroline Robboy, CAS, MSW, ACSW, LCSW; 2006
- University of Wisconsin Extension; Thriving with Your Spirited Child; Raising Your Spirited Child; Lori Zierl; 2001
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