Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship. Good communication skills can bolster and improve a romantic partnership, and poor communication can undermine it. You might believe that if you are in love, good communication will happen easily and naturally. Realistically, developing the right habits actually takes time and practice, and the process is necessary to sustain and enhance your relationship.
Express Your Needs
At times, you may forget that your romantic partner does not automatically know what your needs are. The first step in improving communication is to become aware of your own needs and desires and express them to your partner. By creating an atmosphere of open and honest communication of needs, you and your partner can circumvent some misunderstanding and resentment.
Use "I" Statements
Particularly during times of conflict, focus on using "I" statements to express your feelings rather than "you" statements. An example of an "I" statement is: "I feel hurt when you cancel our dinner plans because I was looking forward to having time together." An example of a "you" statement is: "You always cancel at the last minute!" "You" statements are often accusatory, and your partner will likely respond defensively. With "I" statements, you express your feelings and provide information.
Use Active Listening
Active listening means focusing wholly on your partner and paraphrasing the message you received to ensure that you understand. Periodically during the conversation, reflect back what you hear your partner saying. You can use statements such as "What I hear you saying is..." or "It seems as though you feel..." If you do not understand the message, ask questions for clarification.
Take a Conversation Break
During an argument or misunderstanding, it is sometimes appropriate to take a break from the discussion so you and your partner can calm down. Discuss this tactic well before conflict erupts. That way, if one of you needs a break during an argument, you have a previously agreed upon option. Tabling the conversation for a set period of time can allow your emotions to settle and encourage more productive discussion later.
Remember the Small Things
Though you might think of communication as taking place during long conversations, you communicate with your partner in little ways every day. You have the opportunity to build a positive or negative environment in your relationship with these brief interactions. You can enhance the overall communication in your relationship by thanking your partner when he does something helpful or by complimenting him every day. Another important part of communication is physical touch. Expressing affection through touch builds a positive atmosphere for communication.
Admit When You Are Wrong
Avoid placing blame, admit when you are wrong and apologize when needed. A sincere apology from a partner at fault can go a long way in keeping lines of communication open and preventing resentment from building.
References
- "Empowering Couples: Building on Your Strengths"; David Olson and Amy Olson; 2000
- "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts"; Les and Leslie Parrott; 2006
- Help Guide: Advice for Building Healthy and Exciting Love Relationships
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