The trauma of divorce can elicit emotions similar to the trauma of the death of a close family member. The five stages of grief as defined by famed hospice pioneer Elisabeth Kubler-Ross appropriately describe the roller-coaster ride many people experience during a divorce. There are no set parameters for the order or the amount of time it takes to work through the five stages of grief; each person moves through at his own pace.
Denial
The realization that your marriage is ending is not an easy pill to swallow. You may experience periods where you try to convince yourself that things will get better or that you can still work through your issues. If the relationship is truly over, denying the problems will only delay the inevitable.
Anger
Feeling anger during divorce or other loss is a natural part of the healing process. Your anger may be directed at your spouse for causing you pain, yourself for failing to make your marriage a success or the universe for bringing that person into your life. Resentment may also be a part of working through the anger stage of divorce. Experiencing anger can help you express your emotions, rather than bottling them inside. This particular stage of grieving a divorce may ebb and flow; you may think you've worked through it, but it can resurface during the other stages. Deal with your anger as it comes so you can move on and continue healing. Take care not to get mired in your hurt and resentment.
Bargaining
Bargaining as you are grieving a divorce may mean trying to cut a deal with your spouse, yourself or the universe in general. Spiritual bargaining is not uncommon, nor is a sudden willingness to agree or compromise with points of dissension in your relationship.
Depression
Depression is another emotion that may coincide with the other stages of grief during a divorce. Your marriage may be ending on the most amiable of terms and you might still be depressed about not making it work. Guilt and shame are emotions that feed depression; it is not uncommon to feel guilty or shameful about a divorce no matter what the circumstances, especially if children are involved. Understanding that depression is an accepted part of the grieving process may make it easier to experience, work through and overcome.
Acceptance
Accepting that the marriage is over is an important part of moving on with your life after a divorce. Even if you have residual feelings of guilt or anger, you can still accept the reality of the situation.
