Everyone deals with the emotional pain of loss during the course of a lifetime. Feelings of grief may result from the death of a loved one or a beloved pet, a divorce or a medical diagnosis and the resulting treatments. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the pioneer of hospice care, outlined five stages of grief in her book "On Death and Dying." Since then, grief counselors have expanded the stages to seven and reduced them to four, depending on the situation.
Denial
Denial is often the first stage of grief. Depending on the individual and the situation, the denial stage may also be the shortest lived of all the four stages. 'This can't be happening to me' is a common refrain during the denial stage. As with the other stages of grief, denial can reappear, even after you think you've accepted the loss. Bargaining, one of Kubler-Ross's five stages of grief, may be included as part of your denial. Trying to make a deal with the universe or your ex, no matter how futile, may seem like a solution to reverse the loss. Grief is a healing process; there are no set rules or time frames regarding the emotional stages you must endure while coming to terms with your loss.
Depression
Depression is one stage of grief that may be present throughout the process, in varying degrees. Depression following a loss is more than sadness; it involves feelings of loneliness, numbness and insecurity. During the depression stage, you may find that your negative habits are worse and routine daily activities may seem extraordinarily difficult. Some days may be easier than others as your mind copes with the depth of the loss. Accept that depression is part of the healing process; accept it for what it is. There is no predetermined order for working through emotional loss; depression may come and go during denial, anger and even acceptance.
Anger
Anger following a loss is your mind's way of fighting back. Anger may be the first emotion you feel or it may take time to show up. Like depression and denial, anger may ebb and flow throughout each stage of processing your grief. Anger may be directed at yourself, a loved one or the universe. It can be fleeting, or you may sustain it for weeks. Address anger as a part of your healing in order to deal with it and move on.
Acceptance
True acceptance is the final stage of the grieving process, but it does not magically dissolve your other emotions. Understanding the reality of your loss is part of acceptance, but you must also make peace with it to find true acceptance. You'll know you've accepted your loss when depression blends into an acceptable level of sadness, denial and bargaining are replaced by understanding and anger is more manageable and eventually disappears.
