Anyone who has not experienced an abusive relationship may think that someone in such a relationship can get up one day and leave to stop the abuse. But those in an abusive relationship know it is much more complicated than that. Depending on your relationship, the history of abuse and your family situation, leaving your abuser may involve months of planning and preparation to make sure you leave in the safest way possible. Planning carefully and involving those you trust can help you find the strength to get out of an abusive relationship.
Recognition
Before you can leave an abusive relationship you need to be able to recognize the relationship as such. KidsHealth.org, a division of the Nemours Foundation, notes that you cannot make preparations to leave if you have yet to acknowledge your partner as an abuser. Remember that not all abuse leaves you with visible bruises; emotional abuse, economic abuse and sexual abuse are also forms of abuse that may not necessarily leave physical scars.
Tell Someone
Abuse can make you feel deeply ashamed and make you want to conceal it from others in your life. You need to tell someone about your abusive situation, according to HelpGuide.org. This will help your preparations in two ways. If someone knows you are in an abusive situation and you suddenly go missing, she can help alert the authorities to your plight. Also, telling someone gives you accountability for your actions; say out loud that you are leaving and your friend or family member can offer encouragement and planning strategies.
Make Preparations
Stealing away in the middle of the night with little planning may not be the most effective way to leave your abusive relationship. Take time to plan your escape, and begin putting away things like extra clothes, money and legal documents in a safe place, like a safe deposit box or with a trusted friend, recommends the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Document the signs of abuse, like pictures or injuries or upsetting e-mails. Place these together in a file that can be easily grabbed on your way out; they may help you obtain a restraining order or the custody of your children.
Find a Safe Place
It's important that you move yourself and your children to a safe place where your abuser cannot have access to you, suggests MayoClinic.com. A women's shelter is ideal, especially when dealing with violent partners; they have protocol in place to protect you from an abuser. Staying with a trusted friend or family member a distance away from your abuser is also a good option. Make sure it is somewhere that has secure locks and where your ex will not easily think to find you.
Once you have left and established a new life elsewhere, protect yourself by using a P.O. box, getting an unlisted phone number and canceling old bank and credit card accounts so you are not easily located, recommends HelpGuide.org.
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