Assertiveness is an important component of communication. Assertive people express themselves and stand up for their views without disrespecting the views of other people. Assertiveness improves self-esteem and helps one earn the respect of others. Both passive people and aggressive people can learn to adjust their communication styles to find middle ground.
Aggressive Behavior
An aggressive person may look like a bully to others, who may feel that he disregards the feelings of others and ignores their views. He may also seem self-righteous. A person who is very aggressive may humiliate others. He may even intimidate others or seem physically threatening.
Passive-Aggressive Behavior
A person doesn't have to be intimidating to act in an aggressive manner. She may become passive aggressive if she is uncomfortable directly sharing her feelings. She may agree to the ideas of others when she really wants to say "no" or she may complain about people behind their backs. This behavior damages her relationships with other people and makes mutual respect between herself and others highly unlikely.
Assertive Behavior
Assertive behavior is the happy medium between aggressiveness and passivity. An assertive person speaks his mind without disregarding the opinions of others or becoming overbearing. He understands his own needs and is able to express them in a conversational tone, without interrupting or talking over others. He can maintain eye contact without appearing to glare or intimidate.
Assertive Behavior Benefits
Being assertive means not allowing people to walk over you while at the same time not walking over them. When you learn to be assertive, you learn to understand and communicate your feelings in an effective way. This can improve your self-esteem and create stronger, mutually respectful relationships with others.
Learning Assertive Behaviors
A person's communication style develops over her lifetime; she may not be aware that she interacts with others in an aggressive manner. You can determine whether you are assertive or aggressive by considering your contact with other people. If people seem to dread or fear interacting with you, or if you are quick to blame others for problems or judge them for mistakes, you may have an aggressive communication style. You can begin to tone down your style by beginning conversations in a positive way with an empathy statement to recognize the other person's feelings. Making a conscious effort to recognize your own anger or frustration and keeping control of these feelings can also help you control your aggressive behavior.
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