Handling Insecurity
Content
Insecurity is defined as...
What do chronically insecure people believe?
What are some negative effects of insecurity?
In order to overcome insecurity, people need to...
What steps can people take to handle insecurity?
Insecurity is defined as:
* Feeling of not being "good enough" to meet the challenge of a situation you face in life.
* Sense of helplessness in the face of problems, conflict or concerns.
* Belief that one is inadequate or incompetent to handle life's challenges.
* Fear of being discovered as inadequate, ill-fitted or unsuited to meet responsibilities at home, school or on the job.
* Sense of not fitting in, being "out of sync" with those in your peer group.
* Perception that life is unpredictable with most of the expectations you have to meet not clearly understood.
* Sense of always climbing up a mountain, never being able to reach the top.
* Sense of lacking support or reinforcement where you live, work or play.
* Results from a sense of being unaccepted, disapproved or rejected.
* Inner turmoil coming from a lack of direction or bewilderment as to where you are going, what your goals are and what responses are appropriate for events in life.
Insecure people may have:
* Been raised in a chaotic, unpredictable or volatile environment in which they were kept off balance, on guard or on edge.
* Experienced a major tragedy or loss in their lives and are having a difficult time in accepting this loss and adjusting to the change.
* Experienced a major catastrophe in life (e.g., divorce, losing a job, bankruptcy, failure in school, losing a friend, lack of acceptance into social or civic groups, etc.) that led them to question their personal competency.
* A poorly developed self-concept with low self-esteem, lacking belief in their personal goodness, skills or abilities.
* Never felt accepted by the others' in their life, so much so that they became chronically shy, retiring and withdrawn in their interactions.
* Had an unrealistic list of rules and expectations prescribed by significant others in their life, rules they are striving to meet even in their current life.
* A poor body image, making them believe that others see them in a negative light. This makes them self-conscious, tense and anxious in dealing with others.
* Never received enough positive reinforcement or feedback from others about their talents and abilities, leaving them unclear as to their skills.
* Been given very little direction, guidance or discipline in their earlier lives leaving them unable to cope with the current pressures of life.
* Always felt overshadowed or overlooked due to the people in their lives who seemed to be more successful, smarter, prettier, more handsome, more athletic or higher achievers, getting much attention.
This can foster doubt in an insecure person's ability to gain recognition for their successes, and can make them doubt their ability to achieve success.
What do chronically insecure people believe?
* I can never accomplish the task facing me.
* Everybody is looking at me, just waiting for me to make a fool of myself.
* I am a failure.
* I am ugly and awful to look at.
* I can never win. I am a loser.
* What is the sense of trying, I'll never get it right.
* No matter how hard I work to achieve, I never get any recognition.
* I am incompetent in everything.
* How could anybody ever say anything good about me?
* I failed them in the past; therefore, I am a failure today.
* Once a failure, always a failure.
* There is only one direction for me to go in this organization and that is down and out.
* No one could ever like, respect or accept me.
* I don't deserve to be treated nicely.
* I don't fit in here or anywhere else for that matter.
* Everyone else looks so good, so together; I feel so out of it compared to them.
* I am an incomplete person and will always be that way.
* I am so afraid that no one will like me.
* Why would anyone care to hear what I say, how I feel or what I think?
* People are just nice to you in order to use you and get something they want from you.
What are some negative effects of insecurity?
People who are insecure can:
* Have difficulties in establishing healthy, long-lasting relationships.
* Be perceived incorrectly by others as being snobbish or uppity.
* Become victims of fears that impair their freedom of action or choice.
* Be candidates for paranoia feeling others are out to get them.
* Scare others away from them by their defensive attitude.
* Be over-controlled emotionally, having problems letting others in on their emotions. This can lead others to guess what is going on until the passivity of the insecure person leads to an over-reaction by the others, resulting in conflict or rejection.
* Have problems on the job or in school when they have the knowledge, skills and abilities to do a task efficiently but are told to do it in a different, less effective manner. They get so uptight about the job and are fearful of standing up for what they believe that they get angry, hostile and resentful until they either quit or succeed in submerging their emotions.
* Get passed over for promotions, advances or honors because they are so quiet about what it is they do. This leads the insecure persons to feel more unaccepted, unappreciated and under-valued.
* Have problems meeting people and often can become debilitated socially by chronic shyness.
* Become so inward that they seek to escape into their fantasy life rather than deal with the reality of their lives.
In order to overcome insecurity, people need to:
* Be willing to be put in vulnerable positions in life where they might get hurt.
* Take risks to change their current behavior.
* Trust others enough to expose themselves to them, risking vulnerability and the possibility of being hurt.
* Have a healthy and humorous belief in themselves in order to overlook their exaggerated need for acceptance and approval.
* Take a rational approach to each problem they face so that they are no longer inhibited by debilitating fears or beliefs.
* Practice assertive behavior in their lives, earning respect and the acknowledgment of their rights.
* Arouse the courage to take small steps in learning to experience success and overcoming their lack of belief in self. Once the success is experienced, they can build on it to gain the courage to act out of a strong conviction in their self-goodness and worth.
* Break the barrier or outer shell of the self-doubt they have hidden behind and reach out to others. Breaking out of their "shells" requires letting go of past hurts (real or imagined) and moving on with life.
* Open themselves to the possibility of success and accomplishment. Visualize or make a prophecy of winning at life so their energies are focused in a growth direction.
* Reward themselves for who they are and capitalize on their strengths, attributes, skills and competencies.
What steps can people take to handle insecurity?
Step 1: Answer the following questions in your journal:
a. What behavior traits signal my insecurity?
b. What happened in my past to make me insecure?
c. What are some of my beliefs that account for my insecurity?
d. What are some negative consequences I've experienced due to my insecurity?
e. What behavior traits do I need to develop in order to overcome my insecurity?
Step 2: After identifying your insecurity, how can you handle it? Answer the following questions in your journal:
a. What substitute behavior traits could I develop that would indicate security in myself?
b. What are some positive consequences of exhibiting such secure behavior traits in my life?
c. What are some rational beliefs I must develop in order to exhibit secure behavior in my life?
d. How will my life change if I exhibit secure behavior?
e. What is my action plan to develop security in my life?
f. What obstacles stand in the way of my executing this action plan?
g. How can I overcome the obstacles to my development of self-confidence and security?
Step 3: Implement the plan of action in Step 2. Keep a log in your journal as you go through each stage of handling your insecurity.
Step 4: The following project is designed to help you develop secure behavior by learning about yourself through the eyes of the other people in your life.
"Overcoming Insecurity" Collage
Ask at least 6 close friends and/or relatives to assist you in making a collage. Tell them you have been assigned to make a collage about yourself for school, work or a club project. All collages must be 2 by 3 feet. The collage must be completed within 2 weeks of the time you ask your friends and/or relatives to help you. Ask them to send you magazine pictures, sayings, articles, photos, prizes, trinkets, cards, drawings, objects, ribbons, etc., indicative of the various strengths, attributes, talents, skills, knowledge, virtues, competencies or abilities you possess. Ask them to send a short explanation with each item they send you. Ask each person to send at least ten items.
Once you gather the items, paste them on poster board in collage fashion. On the back of the collage paste the explanations for the items.
Share your collage with your friends, family and helpers. Explain each item on the collage, and explain that they have helped you overcome some of your personal insecurity by giving accurate and honest feedback on reasons why you should feel secure and good about yourself.
Step 5: If you are still feeling insecure after completing Steps 1 through 4, review the material, return to Step 1 and begin again.
Member Comments
by Pril79 on January 30, 2009 at 2:00 PM
i miss coping.org
by quasibonko on March 10, 2009 at 8:10 PM
For the most part this information is right on the money and I found it quite helpful personally, but I was completely derailed by the collage-feedback suggestion that followed.
I wonder, did it occur to the author that the people reading this article who have issues with insecurity may very well not have SIX confidants in their lives, let alone 6 people who they could ask to write about them? See the author's listing above for some of the negative effects of insecurity that might contribute to that scenario NOT working out so well.
If a person struggling with insecurity did manage to ask 6 people to make this proposed and highly personal collage and feedback, I can't imagine all 6 "helpers" obliging as the author suggests. Can you imagine? I mean, if I had the support of 6 people I likely wouldn't have insecurity issues!
What a bunk suggestion, sorry. Going to a few weeks of therapy would be much more beneficial to most people struggling with insecurity that would trying to launch some kind of DIY cut and paste session...
...6 people! HA!
by cjrees on March 16, 2009 at 4:38 AM
Quasibonko, I;m sorry you feel that way, in my expereince friends are far more willing and supportive than we allow ourselves to believe. Even if 4 people responded, it woud still be good to get the feedback. I hope you can find some who you are willing to 'risk' asking. They may well surprise you!! If not, then don't blow the opportunity for others who will find it helpful. Maybe it's not the best way forward for you in your particular circumstances, only you really know that, bit may be it's worth giving it a go?
Chris (uk)
by southterra on October 5, 2009 at 4:15 AM
I agree with quasibonko, there is NO way I could even think of asking anyone to do this.
by espresso_dreams on October 25, 2009 at 11:17 AM
I have to agree with quasibonko on this. I think I have maybe two friends, and one of those really doesn't know me very well at all. I certainly would ask my family, either.... Yeah, the people have spoken.
by FLARE on March 26, 2009 at 10:51 PM
That last part didn't make much sense. Ask at least 6 friends/relatives to make a collage. You have stated that many insecure people have difficulty with their relationship, so it is highly likely that the person will have no friends. Another reason why some people are insecure is because of a bad childhood, and in fact, the insecurity was created by their relatives in the first place, so how can they help make a collage?
by Godson1 on May 13, 2009 at 2:35 PM
Cjrees blogs and forums are made for a particular group of people that are interested in a particular topic. If someone had 6 FRIENDS they more than likely would not even be on this site let along be out there combing the net for help. People who are insecure have a habit of pushing people away because of the fear of being hurt and let down, again. By many people accounts I am a happy go lucky person who is about to graduate from college, but the reality is i have NO serious relationships that are meaningful and loving. The problem that you may not see Cjrees is that for people like myself and Quasibonko the purpose for searching the net is we want to learn how to get, obtain and keep friends.
by morganmackenzie on August 9, 2009 at 2:14 PM
I think these steps are helpful. I believe I will find out a lot about myself. I have a suggestion for anyone who is willing to listen re: the last step...If you don't have any friends, or family that you trust to ask...or you just don't have any friends cause you pushed them all away...and you don't care to ask your family. Then ask co-workers, neighbors, spouse, how about your kids...I think the whole point to the last step is to stop listening to your own personal thoughts about yourself. Getting an objective point of view from someone who doesn't live in your personal "fish tank", will be very helpful for you to realize and understand who it is you project yourself to be. It will allow you to hear or read what it is others think of you. By doing so you will be able to evaluate the thoughts and opinions and real true feeling of others re: you. I'm going to do it. The reason I'm even on the net researching information about insecurity is...I am seriously insecure. I am a very fun loving, caring, supportive, happy go lucky person. That's how I make friends. My problem is...I can't keep them. I push them away. I act like I am so tough an strong and smart. Yes I have a really BIG ego. Then when these people I love start to disassemble one by one. I think they are rude and bitches and hoes and ass-heads. I think they are all out to get me. But it's me, and I need to know what it is that I am unaware of doing to push them away. Hey maybe it's not even me. Maybe I don't know how to pick good friends. And in a sense then it does come back to me. Why do I pick these people? What ever the case may be...I need to learn me! I am not shy or ashamed to ask for help in that area. I'm tired of hurting. SO I'm going to work the steps and see where I end up.
by separatist on August 25, 2009 at 3:33 AM
Hello,
I am an emplyed male(31) who earns decent money. I am extremely sensitive to criticism, ridicule and even mild teasing. If a colleague or a friend(which are very few anyway) teases or makes some sharp comments, I think about it for several days to weeks and carry grudges. Is this insecurity or just too much pride? Otherwise, I am very ambitious and reasonably confident in everything. I was raised in a significantly poorer background than I am now and as a child, I was smaller than peers. I belong to an ethnic and religious minority.
by rjc116 on September 17, 2009 at 12:19 PM
This is a symptom of insecurity in my opinion. If you felt secure or really proud of yourself you would simply accept the criticism and evaluate the validity of it, learn from it or reject it -- you wouldn't obsess over it and carry resentment over it.
by rjc116 on September 17, 2009 at 12:15 PM
On the rare occasions when I have asked friends for feedback what I have gotten has been flattering and momentarily helpful, although they seem to think I don't need praise and they don't want it to go to my head. So I also found the advice to be unhelpful. But I do appreciate the suggestion that it is helpful to question your own perceptions of yourself and get an outside opinion from someone you respect, especially if you are excessively hard on yourself or have a pattern of not knowing how to nurture yourself due to a lack of nurturing.
by rosie_rrp on October 5, 2009 at 12:55 PM
Something that is bothering me right now, is other peoples perspective of me. I see myself in a different way than others do, so when sombody makes a comment of my "percieved" way, i take it very personally because that is not how i feel about myself. Any suggestions? I also have a problem in developing friendships.. i can hook em, but i feel that i cant entertain enough to keep anybody around..
by Villagedr on October 18, 2009 at 11:46 AM
Rosie, I hope this helps. Feelings are highly subjective. It's better that you experience things than to go on feelings
you shouldn't have to entertain anyone or they might be insecure as well. You may be struggling with boundries. Perhaps write an interaction log and discuss what effect you were going for and the result. Discuss this with someone to just get feedback on how you could interperate the interaction or how others may think of it. Then perhaps you can see interaction as an exercise for yourself rather than a task.
by h_jacko on November 4, 2009 at 3:33 AM
I am a 21 years old and have been in my current relationship for 6months, in my previous relationship of 6 years I was cheated on several times, and was constantly put to the side. I always felt second best and that he was always trying to find someone better. I know I was young but I really think this affected me and how I handle my relationships now. I'm really paranoid my current boyfriend will go off with someone else and it's really affecting our relationship. I have tried to stop myself snapping at him or arguing, but I act before I think. When I tell my friend or my family they don't seem to understand. I can't keep blaming my current boyfriend for my previous boyfriends mistakes, it's taking over my life!
by breh123 on November 5, 2009 at 3:23 PM
.i am 16 year male.latly ive been depresse.d and idk i just dont seem to have anymore self confidence or self ambition or nothing.through out my whole life i was either chnky or obese.but i changed that.going to the gym everyday.helped me ALOT.i went from being 250 Fat ppunds.to 180 lean pounds.but i am still not satified.ive always been really really insecure about my man boobs when i was bigger.and now people say i have "pecks".but for some reason i feel like when they grab my chest they are just messing with me,and then i get a feeling of after all the hard work put in.i still have bad man boobs,and im not sure if im just in denial of finally being somewhat skinny and somewhat lean.and that i will always think im fat or feel fat.and idk its hard to express on how i feel through this.so hopefully someone can kinda somewhat get what im saying and just give me some advice please
by patootie26 on November 20, 2009 at 8:10 PM
To brech123,
I know how you feel. I can't say I have been chunky or obese. But I have a son and I gained 50 pounds and I'm still eating healthy and working out trying to get down to my old self again. Even at my skinnest 5 years ago 120 pounds on a 5 foot 6 inch frame I still felt fat. How sick is that? Losing 70 pounds is an accomplishment, no matter who you are!!! You could go on Biggest Loser and show those people whats up!!! I cant tell you what to do exactly because then I would be hypracritiacl since I still beat myself up. The best thing to do is stay positive, positive, positive no matter what. If people give you compliments say thank you and tell yourself that their saying that because you do look sensational. People also say the older you get the happier you are. I think you care less what people think and care more on the relationships you build. Try to look for that for some insight. Hope you get this....
by Lex_Dozel on November 22, 2009 at 2:11 AM
People say to me that I am intelligent and very helpful. In the past few years, however, I've performed horribly in college and was placed on academic suspension. My brain feels like it's rotting away and I can't get a job. My mom is giving me money for food but I feel as if I'm wasting my life away, and I feel even more worthless than ever before. I know how insecure I am with myself but I can't bring myself to get past it. I feel so inferior to the people I talk to despite it being clear that I am worthy of companionship in their eyes.
I also have a habit of angering or irritating people. This makes me feel even worse because it reinforces my beliefs. While people do irritate me, I rarely show it, or at least it seems this way because people do not hesitate to judge me and pry into my life even if they don't know me. Nobody's perfect, but part of me still feels as if this is my own fault somehow. Whenever I'm criticized for something, I quietly accept it as truth, but then I ruminate about it and no matter if it was true or not, I begin to believe it and I try harder to not anger people, at the expense of my own comfort.
I don't know how to explain myself... it's like I'm looking through a window at my life and I can perceive most of the problems in my life, yet I feel so helpless about it all that I can't change. Maybe I should get help.
by yeremia011 on November 26, 2009 at 10:16 AM
try this. break something useless. break it with something useful.
dejan, serbia.
by yeremia011 on November 26, 2009 at 10:16 AM
try this. break something useless. break it with something useful.
also something like this. draw a picture or write a story about sifnificant part of your problem. Then, draw or write a solution on a separate piece of paper. Now, lift them both to the light source. Overlap two contents. Erase mentally the lines or text that doesn't overlap. What remains is the answer to your problem. Better results if you draw.
Could be bunch of bollocks, you know :))
dejan, serbia.
by yeremia011 on November 26, 2009 at 10:20 AM
maybe you could use lots of canabis everyday. helps to put your mind away from problem, but if you eat it with your food, sometimes you can see butterflies crying.
by yeremia011 on November 26, 2009 at 10:29 AM
kidding. So, here it is. When you make a mistake, learn from it by attaching yourself to the mistake, not vice versa. You know, there cannot be a circumstance wherein problems cannot arise. Don't look upon mistake you made as to something you hate. Do not despare on it. Mistakes are opportunities for a BEING to learn something new. Let it become just another obstacle overcome.
Oh, one more thing; at the moment when something is not to your likings, SPIT IT OUT. Gently, but do it. Or, face the consequences. Anyhow, you will be hurt. Badly. SO WHAT? It will heal. It's up to you whater it will be scarless.
Dejan, Serbia.
by abbyann on January 21, 2010 at 5:24 AM
I need help. I am finally in the relationship with the man I have loved for the past 12 years and I am destroying it. I am so insecure and paranoid that he is cheating on me it is literally making me sick. We have a few good days then ineviatably I screw it up. He hasn't doesn't anything that would suggest that he has strayed but I gave up so much to be with him. I don't know how to fix this. I check his cell phone and facebook page which I know isn't right but I feel like I have to. Do you guys think this realationshop can be saved or am I failing again.
by Guitarluvar on January 22, 2010 at 7:53 AM
My feeling is that my insecurity is the leading cause of my failed attempts at meaningingful friendships. I have a strong belief in my basic good character and don't really doubt I'm worth knowing as a person. My problem lies with my interactions with prospective freinds. I find myself being paranoid about my new friend when the friendship is just starting to blossom and I start to suspect them of judging my insecurity harshly, part of me thinks these people find it hard to accept me as I am, insecurities and all and slowly but surely start to distance themselves from me as they have no wish to have a friend with this problem. I believe that insecure people do not attract secure people. How do I fix this problem without encouragement and support all on my own? I know no man is a island and its foolish to try to be one. How can one find security without real friends in the first place? Its taken me years to believe in myself enough to focus on being happy and to a certain extent I've had much success but my life is still lacking decent friends. Am I looking in the wrong places for friendship, or much more likely, just not trying hard enough to step outside my comfort zone and look harder. I want to fix the problem and find friends who are of a positive disposition like me but I find myself being rejected before they really get to know the real me: A loving caring guy who has generous spirit but lacks confidence when talking to new friends. Ironically I have no problem talking to anyone but I find a person I really want to be friends with I always seem to blow it by being to honest with them and sharing my thoughts and feelings relating to my problem. Can anyone help me with some tips or ideas?
by Guitarluvar on January 22, 2010 at 8:07 AM
I have trouble making friends and have very few people who I can trust to share my feelings with. I believe my lack of friends has a lot to do with my problem with insecurity. I seem to be able to converse with people fine, and I don't doubt my basic good character but I have noticed a trend/tendincy in myself to blow prospective friendships by showing my achilles heal,(my insecuriy)and scaring them off. Is it right to hide this side of myself from new friends until we have built up trust or am I just not finding the right sort of friends? I am confused as to how to handle my problem and I want to know if my perspective is flawed or just my approach. Can anyone help?
by greatlokinblond on January 24, 2010 at 12:23 PM
This is a big dellma or just percieved as a big pet peve to me. I can't stand to see any man standing with their hands in their pockets!! It's just so whimpy looking!! why do so many guys do it, are they following a weird trend like just about all men have short hair, looking live clones today or what, but thats another story in its self. I think it's a insecurity problem, not sure but i just hate it!!
by Lady-Jane on January 25, 2010 at 1:09 AM
I answered all the questions here & just figured out how badly pessimistic I am. I had to face a lot of situations in the past as a teenager. Earlier I was a bright student full of self confidence & curiosity. Psychological changes of coming of age coupled with a lot of difficulties in the family environment made me what I am today. My father used to get drunk & hit mother. I was brought up in a violent insecure environment. Father claimed my brother is not his son. I had to see my mother making love with a friend of my father. Everything happened so fast. I hated my mother. She said she loves me but I never felt her love. I was a desperate teenager for love & care. Father was no better he loved no body. I had a boy friend but he had his own problems. He had to go away from the town & I had no close friends to share my sorrows. May be I was too proud to tell anybody what was happening in our house or I don?t know why but I just contained everything within me. I wanted to escape, wanted to run away from the house.
by Lady-Jane on January 25, 2010 at 1:10 AM
I gotta job in a hotel. The worst happened there. I got cheated by the manager of the hotel, a married man. He lied to me & plotted to take advantage of me, the poor desperate girl got into his mean plots. Within 3 months of the affair, by the time I realized what was happening I had lost virginity & was 1 month pregnant. With the help of hotel administration the baby was aborted, I was 20 then. Soon after that, I was called to a local university, I?ve been selected. I wanted to become a Dr, but my Advanced Level result wasn?t enough to get into the medical faculty. You see, I got distinction passes to all the subjects I took in my ordinary level, without much effort. Those days I had peace in mind. But in Advanced Level I took the exams 3 times, & was only qualified to the Agriculture faculty. In 2004 I entered to the university I was 21 then. In my 2nd year I started an affair with a batch mate, like everybody & everything else in my life, he left me too. I couldn't get the results I wanted to. I know I didn't concentrate enough on my academics. How could I?? I did a lot of other things to distract my self from that ugly past. I did them unintentionally. But now I realize why & what. Having passed out in 2009, now I work as a tutor in the university English language unit. I gotta a 2nd class upper. Now I'm scared of my future.
by Lady-Jane on January 25, 2010 at 1:11 AM
I'm scared that I'll never be able to get married, to have kids, who?d care to marry me? I think I'll never find love in my life. I feel like now that a part of my life is gone (love life), if I do not succeed even in my career I'll become a complete loser. I am scared that I won?t be able to become a professor in Economics (that's my career goal). I'm scared to think what else is there written in my unfortunate destiny. To add to that my sexual needs are troubling me time to time. I live in an Asian country where the society expects girls to be virgins until marriage. The society is pressurizing me to get marry. My relations, friends & parents they all think I should marry soon. I'll be too old to have babies, I won?t be able to find a good partner when I go older etc. But I don?t have a partner, & I'm scared to start an affair again. I just don?t want to go through all that pain again, how can I ?? I want to find the love of my life more than anybody else, I need a companion, true, but if it doesn?t happen to me, if all the boys tend to leave me if nobody wants to marry me, what am I suppose to do??? Just see what a sobbing shit my life has become. Funny how some people get stressed because of some nutty friend deceived them. My whole life has been deceived by the society. But at last I thought ok, this is not what I want me to be. I'm gonna fight fight & fight. Most of the things happened & happening around me are put on my head by the environment, or by the society, I only react to them. Some times wisely sometimes stupidly. What to do past is already gone, how can I correct them even if I want to??
by Lady-Jane on January 25, 2010 at 1:16 AM
I want to become a virgin again, I want to pas A/L in 1st attempt, I want to get in to the medical college, I wish I had never worked in that hotel I wish if I didn?t have to abort a baby... there's so much I wish I'd do...But how can I? I have to move on. If I start a new life will that make me a mean person? NO! What choice do I have? to kill my self? the society will pity me then, But now people can say bad about me looking at my past which I chose to forget. FINE BE IT! I realized some things that stop me from reaching my goals, insecurity, negative attitude & procrastination. I need to eliminate them. I will I will & Yes ! I will reach my goals this time! Bloody procrastination, negative self talk & insecurity assholes, you can get damned! I'm not gonna be your prey anymore!
by Lady-Jane on January 25, 2010 at 1:18 AM
Bythe way, some people only see the bad in anyithing, even in this article, isnt it exactly what we call the negative attitude ?? :D jk jk I searched, found, red, & gonna use the stuff here, because I badly want to put an end to the shit I'm going through. Thank you very much.
by dmdn on February 2, 2010 at 3:03 PM
I didn't know how many people suffered from insecurity until I found this website. I thought I was one of the very few. I didn't even know how to quite label what it is I'm going through. Reading about it does make sense. I've lost many relationships through my life thus far. I've also pushed friends n some family out of my life as well. Yet I long for their friendship n acceptance. My insecurities began in high school when I felt betrayed and abandoned by a large group of friends, including my best friend. I've never felt so rejected n hurt before. Never quite got over it. From there I developed relationships that really weren't friendships. Just buddies that had their own issues n I coped in unhealthy ways as a teen. Stopped doing everything that I loved because I was devastated. Unfortunately I didn't have anyone to help me snap out of it in time for it not to take such a negative effect on me. Over ten yrs later n I continue to have a problem trusting, depending, on people. Can't make or keep friends either. I get along with people n have "acquaintances". I have a profession n a boyfriend. Just don't have true friends. It makes me sad n its lonely at times. Ironically enough though a lot of people I meet I think r just so mean n not nice or shallow or think there shit don't stink. Most of the time I bite my tongue because I don't want to come off as a bitch but it really pisses me off. But idk if this has anything to do with my insecurity or not. Maybe I'm just a loner. Idk. I'm used to my alone time now. My family r the ones I consider closest to a friend that I have. Which isn't always a good thing. They let me down occasionally but I have to love them anyway. I would like to have just one person outside of blood that I can consider my best friend. I truly miss that.