Since the beginning of time, humans have been plagued by excessive jealousy and possessiveness. Everyone experiences these feelings at some point in their lives. The key to fighting off jealousy, or the "Green Eyed Monster," is understanding where it comes from and what it does to your relationships and the people you love.
Identification
Jealously is being fearful of being replaced, or feeling resentment toward someone because of that person's success or advantages. Possessiveness is having or manifesting a desire to control or dominate another. When two human beings are in a relationship and spend a lot of time with each other, it is easy for one of them to become jealous when the other interacts with another person. If your partner is possessive, she tries to control where you go or what you do.
Theories/Speculation
Jealousy has inspired great literature, art and many theories. David M. Buss, PhD, in the book, "The Dangerous Passion," addresses psychologist Ralph Hupka, who states that society assigns men and women certain distinct roles and activities; men are generally given the role of controlling the sexuality of their partner. According to Christine R. Harris, PhD, in a study on the evolution of jealousy, evolutionary psychologists have found that jealousy is more pronounced in cultures that attach social importance to marriage. Another theory is that our ancestors might have used jealousy as a fitness advantage, showing who was stronger by who showed more emotion. In a study on sexual differences, Jennifer S. Denisiuk, from the Rochester Institute of Technology, states that female jealousy is triggered by emotional infidelity, while male jealousy is triggered by sexual infidelity.
Effects
Jealousy causes activity in the amygdala and hypothalamus. These parts of the brain can initiate violent aggression. Selfishness is linked to possessiveness. As a normal part of human development, children often do not want to share their belongings. Possessiveness can often lead to one child physically harming another for touching his things. If this behavioral problem is not fixed early, it can last into adulthood, affecting that person's relationships with other adults. Jealousy is linked directly to insecurity. If insecurity is not brought to the surface, it can fester inside of you, causing you to act jealously.
Signs
If you are in an excessively jealous and possessive relationship, you can be abused and not recognize it. According to heart-2heart.com, a website for abuse victims, your partner is emotionally abusive if she insults you, ignores you, acts angry when you initiate an idea, monitors where you go or becomes physically violent, even if it is "just" grabbing you. You may also find that you are changing who you are as an individual so that you do not anger your partner.
Solutions
If you struggle with feelings of excessive jealousy and possessiveness, solutions exist. First, become aware of your problem and get help. Realize that you have to change your ways to free yourself from this problem. Get control of your actions, take anger management classes and identify the source of the problem. Improve your self-esteem by doing something that makes you feel good about yourself. Remind yourself that your mate is a person, not an object.
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