How To Talk With Your Teen About Sex

It's not the easiest topic for most adults to bring up with their children; there's your own embarrassment around the topic and the fear that your teen might run from the room should the word "sex" come out of your mouth. You might even think it can lead your child to engage in sex earlier. However, research shows that, more often than not, young people who can talk to their parents about sex are more likely to postpone sex and use birth control when the time comes.

Remember When?

What was "the talk" like for you? What ideas do you remember hearing about sex that you'd like to either dispel or carry forward? Who made the most impact on how you thought about sex and what did you take away from their messages? What would you change or keep the same? Take some time to think about your own experience before you start to help shape your teen's. Keep the conversation to a dialogue instead of an exercise in finger pointing. Instead of saying "you should," think about saying "I did" and "I wish."

Don't Worry

You won't break them! Most teens are more durable and flexible than you are. So don't stress too much if you have a conversation from which you walk away from feeling like you could have done better. And you can always have another conversation with your child. Just because you say something, doesn't mean your teen is going to run out and try it. And be honest--if it's tough for you to talk about the topic, let your teen know. Otherwise, your teen will sense your discomfort anyway.

Early and Often

The more conversations about sensitive topics you have earlier on in your children's lives, the more they will be adjusted and open to such conversations later on. If you normalize it from the beginning, offering age-appropriate information, there's a better chance that your teen will be comfortable with the conversation. The more your child knows that you are approachable, the better chance you have of being the one to whom he'll turn.

Talk About More

Instead of just talking about anatomy and what part goes where, expand the conversation to include all the aspects involved in sex. What is dating and what does it mean to have a relationship? What are the pros and cons of different types of relationships? Help your teen think through what might happen in different scenarios, and hear them out on their own thoughts on the matter. Talking about the joys and risks of a physical connection with another person can help your teen understand the larger context of sexual activity and relationships. Don't forget to address peer pressure as well as dating and violence to help your teen be prepared for what he might encounter.

Communicate Your Values

Maybe you waited until you were married or out of high school. Maybe your first time having sexual intercourse was when you were a year into a committed relationship. Everyone develops differently and wants different things, so why should your offspring be any different? The best you can do is talk about what worked for you and what didn't. And don't forget to include what your hopes are for your teen in regards to sex; even when it seems least like it, they are listening!