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How to Find Closure in a Relationship

author image Joshua Duvauchelle
Joshua Duvauchelle is a certified personal trainer and health journalist, relationships expert and gardening specialist. His articles and advice have appeared in dozens of magazines, including exercise workouts in Shape, relationship guides for Alive and lifestyle tips for Lifehacker. In his spare time, he enjoys yoga and urban patio gardening.
How to Find Closure in a Relationship
Writing down positive memories of the relationship can help you experience gratitude and find closure. Photo Credit Digital Vision./Digital Vision/Getty Images

Human beings are messy creatures. Thus, it's not surprising that a relationship between two people — whether it's a romantic, platonic or family relationship — can also get messy. When one of your relationships starts to break and fall apart with no hope of reconciliation, it's crucial that you try to find closure. Closure gives you a chance to heal from any wounds the relationship has caused. It also makes room in your heart, mind and life to move on and embrace new opportunities, new chances and new loves as they arise.

Gloss is for Lips, Not Past Experiences

When you're going through the fallout of a relationship, it may feel tempting to gloss over the pain or turmoil you're experiencing. While trying to lessen the pain through parties, events and similar things may minimize the pain on the short term, it doesn't allow you to actually grieve and experience long-term healing. Don't run from the anger, pain or other feelings that pop up when you're facing the ending of a relationship. Give yourself the freedom to feel these emotions and mourn the relationship loss of your friend, romantic partner or family member.

Is Your Relationship Half Full or Half Empty

Like the proverbial glass-half-full analogy, finding closure is all about perspective. First, try to shift your perspective on the relationship into a positive space. Remember the good things about the person, or the times something in the relationship made you smile or made you happy. It may help to journal these things down so you can review them later. Next, shift your perspective on the present moment. As painful as it may feel now, try to focus on the idea that the ending of this relationship means new relationships, new opportunities and new chances can now come into your life. As you open yourself up to a new perspective of gratefulness, it helps to heal and ease away bitterness and pain.

Hit the Mental Gym and Find Your Strengths

Even as you grieve and mourn, prepare yourself for the future by strengthening your heart and mind. Some people benefit from making a handwritten list that outlines their talents, passions and gifts. Others enjoy surrounding themselves with friends who build them up and encourage them. In essence, you want to take your moment of weakness and vulnerability created by the relationship, and begin to work your mental and emotional muscles to become stronger and more positive and life affirming.

Hit the Road Running

The extra time and emotional and mental space created by the ending of your relationship means you have more time and energy to experience new things. Moving on, instead of dwelling on the past, is key to entering a time of closure and growth. When new opportunities arise, give yourself the freedom to try them. You don't have to commit to anything permanently. Simply let yourself do new, exciting things that help you discover that there's more to life than what that past relationship meant. Soon, you will find that you are so much more than who you used to be in that relationship, and that you can create new joys in the absence of old joys.

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