Talking to a girl you just met, especially if you are attracted to her, can be intimidating. You're not alone. According to the Social Phobia / Social Anxiety Association, social anxiety is the third largest mental condition in the United States, affecting more than 15 million people. You can learn ways however to overcome your fears, pump yourself up with positive self-talk and relax. According to psychologist Nancy Wesson, taking the time to slow down and get your nerves under control can help you become yourself and let the conversation flow naturally.
Step 1
Talk about yourself and a recent experience you had and the thoughts it evoked. According to psychologist Tina Tessina, most topics can make good conversation starters, as long as you don't bring up intimate topics to a girl you just met. Give her enough information to get her interested. Provide her with clues about what makes you tick, but don't dominate the time with talk about yourself.
Step 2
Question her about her interests, where she went to school, what kind of work she does, where she hails from and where she bought those great shoes. According to psychologist Tessina, make your questions sound as though you are really interested, and not just prying. Get her talking about herself to see if you have anything in common. You then can add similar experiences to the conversation.
Step 3
Read the newspaper everyday, including sections that typically may not interest you, to stock up on conversation starters. While the weather often makes for a good opener, you may get more leverage talking about the latest municipal scandal or the recent escalation of thefts in the area. Unless she is an obvious sports fan, refrain from talking about sports.
Step 4
Practice relaxation techniques to calm your nerves before you approach a new girl. According to psychologist Wessman, you can overcome your nervousness with deep-breathing techniques before you enter into a new situation. Take a couple minutes before you approach the girl, and inhale deeply through your nose. Fill your diaphragm, and hold the breath for a couple seconds. Then release the air through your mouth. Repeat the exercise a couple of more times until you feel calm.
Step 5
Visualize yourself talking animatedly to a new girl, and having a good time. Release the negative thoughts and fears that are stopping you from just being yourself. Imagine the conversation flowing, and see yourself as confident and interesting.
Step 6
Practice with friends or your sisters. Tell them that you're having problems starting conversations with new girls. Ask them to role-play with you, and provide pointers.
Tips and Warnings
- Ensure you are well-groomed and comfortable when you start a conversation with a new girl. Knowing that you look your best will help to boost your confidence.
- Consider therapy if you can't get over your irrational fears about talking to new girls. Treatment through cognitive therapy can help you overcome your fears and function well in social situations.
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