One in four women in America have been physically abused or raped by an intimate, according to the National Women's Health Information Center. When you make the decision to divorce your abusive husband, find strength in the fact that you're not alone, and reach out to friends and family for support. Use resources available in your area, such as counseling services and group therapy, to remain strong during your divorce. Above all, remember that you deserve happiness and the abuse you suffered through was not your fault.
Step 1
Get a good divorce lawyer. Ask friends and family for referrals, or contact your local county bar association for assistance, suggests certified family law specialist Steven A. Mindel. Specify that you need an attorney who specializes in family law and domestic violence.
Step 2
Even though you have probably been intimidated during your marriage, stand firm and insist on your fair share of property and assets. Work with your lawyer to ensure the best possible outcome. Don't settle for less than you deserve because you just want to be free.
Step 3
Ask your lawyer to refer you to a qualified mental health professional, Mindel advises. Work with your therapist to deal with your emotional issues surrounding your abusive husband.
Step 4
Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 for assistance and support. Ask the Hotline for information about local resources. Many domestic violence shelters offer individual and family counseling, support groups, legal help and job training, says the National Women's Health Information Center.
Step 5
Get a court order of protection, also called a restraining order, to protect yourself from your abusive husband. Contact your local family court, ask your lawyer or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for information on how to file a restraining order. Keep a copy of the order with you at all times, and call the police if your husband violates it.
Step 6
Reach out to friends, family, co-workers or spiritual leaders. Have a support system of caring people whom you can trust and rely on.
Step 7
Resist the urge to succumb to feelings of guilt and self-blame. Tell yourself that you deserve a safe and happy life and that you are not to blame for your husband's mistreatment. Use positive affirmations to counter your husband's negativity, suggest Melinda Smith Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., of the website Help Guide.
Step 8
Get involved in activities and spend time with people, say Help Guide's Smith and Segal. Cultivate new hobbies. Join a gym, or go back to school and take a class in something you enjoy. Don't neglect your physical health. Try to eat balanced meals and get enough sleep.
Tips and Warnings
- Protect yourself by getting an unlisted phone number, and use a post office box to receive your mail. Create a unique "code word" to use to alert friends and family that you're in trouble, suggest Smith and Segal at Help Guide. Change all passwords on your email accounts. Limit contact with your husband as much as possible. Allow third parties, such as your lawyer or a mediator to relay messages to your husband and handle the technical issues of the divorce.
- Don't jump into a new relationship too soon, Help Guide's Smith and Segal advise. Take it slow, and give yourself time to heal and get to know yourself so you don't wind up in another abusive relationship.
