Drug abuse takes a severe physical and mental toll on addicts, and its ripple effects spill over onto friends and family members. Being in a relationship with a drug abuser can be like a wild roller coaster ride. There are "ups" when times are good and "downs" when the substance abuse makes life miserable.
Symptoms
The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, or AAMFT, cites several symptoms that drug abuse is causing problems in a relationship. The abuser may ask the other person to cover for problems caused by drug use. This might entail providing bail at a jail or calling a supervisor when the other person is too high or sick to go to work. There will likely be frequent fights on general topics and subjects related to the drugs, like neglected responsibilities and financial problems.
Effects
Drug abuse has many negative effects on a relationship. Abusers place more importance on getting and using drugs than on their partners. They will lie, cheat and steal in order to get their next fix. This gets in the way of bonding and intimacy. A 2005 study by researchers in New York, published in the "American Journal of Public Health," showed that drug abuse increases the risk of emotional and physical abuse among partners.
Considerations
A person who is in a relationship with a drug abuser must take self-care steps. Help Guide, a psychological self-help site, advises partners of substance abusers to speak up frankly. They should express their concerns about how the drugs are affecting the relationship, even if the other person is in denial. They should refuse to protect the other person from the consequences of drug use. They must avoid self-blame and find ways to relax and manage their stress.
Solution
The AAMFT explains that treatment can be effective if the drug abuser acknowledges the problem and commits to counseling, a treatment program, a 12-step support group or some combination of these resources. The chance for success is increased if that person's partner also plays an active role. Drug abuse causes rifts in the relationship that must be mended once the abuser is abstinent. This can be accomplished through couples therapy.
Warning
Some drug abusers will refuse to get treatment even if the problem is seriously threatening their relationship. This puts their partners in a difficult position. They may realize they need to break up for their own well-being, but they are torn by their love for their partner. They may also feel guilty because they believe they should be able to help the other person get clean. Support groups like Al-Anon help the partners of drug abusers work through these issues and manage their lives more effectively.
