Assertiveness is a valuable communication skill. According to the Mayo Clinic, being assertive can help you develop better life-coping skills, reduce your stress and anger levels and improve communication with your friends and family. However, it's not always easy to be assertive, especially if you're someone who's never tried it before. Others may initially be taken by surprise at your attempts to stand up for yourself.
Step 1
Define your boundaries. Maintaining healthy boundaries with your friends and family means that you see yourself as a distinct, separate individual who has a need for privacy and independence. This doesn't mean that you're shutting yourself off from others but that you don't allow others to take advantage of you or walk all over you. For example, having healthy boundaries means you don't tolerate it when someone constantly barges into your home unannounced or expects you to drop everything anytime they have the slightest need.
Step 2
Learn to stand up for yourself. Incorporate the word "no" into your vocabulary every now and then. If a friend is always asking you to babysit her children but you don't want to, tell her no every now and then. Saying no doesn't mean you have to turn down requests all the time--it means that you're not a pushover.
Step 3
Reserve the right to have your own opinions. Assertive people are able to confidently express their opinions even in the presence of others who disagree. You don't have to get anyone else to agree with you, but you also don't change your opinion just to please others.
Step 4
Pay attention to your body language. Timid, shy people may stand with their arms crossed or lean away from others. According to the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign's Counseling Center, it's difficult to stand up for yourself when you're slouching or slumped over. Keep an erect, relaxed body posture when you're interacting with others.
Step 5
Own up to your words and actions. Take responsibility for your statements by using personalized "I" statements. For example, say "I disagree" instead of blaming statements such as "You're wrong."
Step 6
Apologize when necessary. Being assertive doesn't mean that you're right all the time. You own up to the times when you're wrong, and you're not afraid to offer an apology if it's called for.
Member Comments