Marriage counselors and therapists, like all working people, use specific tools and techniques to help them do their job more effectively. If you're undergoing marital counseling, you will get more out of it if you understand these tools. If you're not, using some of them can help you enrich your marriage and resolve the disputes all couples occasionally have.
Questions and Questionnaires
Information at Wichita Marriage Counseling reports that counselors use verbal questioning, quizzes and questionnaires to help them identify the needs of their clients. An example is an emotional needs questionnaire, which helps both members of a couple talk about areas where they feel their emotional needs are or aren't being met.
Role Play
Role playing is an exercise valuable both during counseling sessions and at home, says Everett Worthington's "Hope Focused Marriage Counseling." In role-playing, one or both members of a couple assume the role of the other. The purpose of this exercise is to build empathy for your partner, either by feeling how he does in a typical disagreement or by seeing yourself in his portrayal of you.
Anger Management
Marital fights can spiral out of control when one or both spouses get angry and begin to lash out. Anger coach Tony Fiore cites anger management skills as one of the vital trainings any married couple receives. Some skills involved in anger management training include recognizing stress, developing empathy, practicing forgiveness, taking time out and adjusting expectations.
Active Listening
Communication specialist and conflict resolution trainer Anndy Wiselogle says that active listening is important both for couples and the practicing marriage counselor. A marriage counselor must listen actively in order to correctly identify areas to work on with her clients. The couple needs to practice active listening in order to understand each other and help their partner feel heard and cared for. Wiselogle names several active listening skills, including paraphrasing, adding emotion words, asking leading questions and refraining from giving advice. Another valuable active listening skill is simply waiting for your turn to talk.
References
- Anndy Wiselogle; Mediator and Mediation Trainer; Gresham, Oregon
- Wichita Marriage Counseling: Questionnaires
- Dr. Tony Fiore; Anger Coach
- "Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling: A Guide to Brief Therapy"; Everett L. Worthington; 2005
- "That's Not What I Meant!"; Deborah Tannen; 1987
