Children sometimes enter school believing that in order to make friends, they need to allow other children to use them as a doormat. If your child is dealing with this at school or with other neighborhood children, you can teach her how to let them know when they're intruding on her boundaries or mistreating her. Teaching her how to stand up for herself is not the same as teaching her to treat her friends the way they've been treating her. Instead, it's teaching her to respect herself so her peers will learn to respect her as well.
Step 1
Teach your child about passive behavior that allows others to make him do things he doesn't really want to do or allows them to treat him poorly, writes Scholastic. Ask him to tell you about instances where he was bullied or was made to participate in an action he didn't want to be involved in. Respond with empathy, then get him to think about other behaviors that might get his peers to treat him more respectfully.
Step 2
Look past your child's outward behavior when you are interacting with her. If, for instance, you ask how her day went at school and she says, "Fine," but her tone of voice indicates otherwise, understand that she is exhibiting "passive-aggression," according to Psychology Today. She is trying to mask anger and your task is to teach her it's OK to express her feelings.
Step 3
Tell your child he can express anger in a healthy way. Psychology Today points out that when you give your child permission to express his anger and let him know it's not acceptable to express this emotion in a passive-aggressive manner, you are teaching him how to develop strong, healthy relationships. Tell your child anger isn't bad, but he needs to learn how to accept this emotion and handle it in a healthy, mature way.
Step 4
Use yourself as a model for assertive behavior, recommends Psychology Today. When you find yourself in situations where someone intrudes on your emotional boundaries or limits, use this as a way of modeling assertive behavior. Model assertive behavior when your child is with you, then after the incident has passed, ask her what she saw you doing and tell her what you did.
Step 5
Accept your child's feelings when he expresses anger. As you are teaching him to become more assertive, continue your teaching by giving him the room to express how he truly feels, writes Psychology Today.
Step 6
Role-play various situations your child could realistically find herself in, suggests Scholastic. For instance, if she is overruled by her friends when they are talking about what to do on a weekend afternoon, exchange roles and act them out. You take the part of her friends and then take her part as you show her how she can start asserting her own wishes with her friends.
Tips and Warnings
- Start changing your own passive-aggressive behaviors. If you act in a passive-aggressive way so you can avoid an argument, you're teaching her passive-aggressiveness is acceptable.
- If your child is the target of playground or cyberbullies, she needs to learn how to become more assertive. At no time is it acceptable for your child to swear, throw things or hit, thinking this is "assertive behavior." That is outright aggression.
