Although most people associate bullying with children on the playground or in the classroom, bullying can be a part of adult relationships as well. Bullying can occur in marriage, when one spouse seeks to belittle, control or intimidate the other. A bullying husband can make it very difficult to maintain a loving relationship, and can cause severe emotional distress. Over time, physical and emotional symptoms such as insomnia, stomach aches and nervousness can result in a victim of bullying.
Step 1
Keep a written record of your husband's bullying actions for a month. Note dates, times and situations in which bullying occurred. A detailed written record can be a useful tool when you talk to your husband, who may deny his actions.
Step 2
Ask close friends and family members to describe their view of your relationship and your husband's actions. Obtaining information from people close to you may validate your feelings, and it will help you to remember that you are not simply imagining your husband's actions.
Step 3
Review your husband's history, or if you do not know much about his childhood, ask him about it. This may uncover reasons for your husband's bullying actions, such as childhood abuse, neglect or witnessing bullying in his parents' lives. Although this does not justify bullying behavior, it can help you both to understand why it occurs, which may provide the information necessary for your husband to change his behavior.
Step 4
Talk with your husband about his behavior, and insist that he stop bullying you. Tell him the consequences he will face if his behavior does not change. In many cases, these consequences will include separation or divorce.
Step 5
Write down a time line for change, including definite deadlines for improved behavior. Tell your spouse that the deadlines are not negotiable, and that you are giving him an opportunity to treat you more respectfully.
Step 6
Move out or impose other stated consequences if your husband does not stop bullying. Failing to carry out your stated actions can give your husband the impression that you are not serious about your demands for change.
Tips and Warnings
- Do not expect your husband to change overnight. Bullying is often rooted in childhood trauma, and it will take time for your husband to confront his own pain so he can change his ways. However, you should expect improvement over time--do not allow your husband to assume that he can continue bullying you until the day before the deadline you have set for him.
Things You'll Need
- Paper
- Pen or pencil
References
- "The Bully in Your Relationship"; Anne-Renee Testa; 2007
- Marital Healing: The Controlling and Mistrustful Spouse/Relative
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