Children are smaller, more fragile and less experienced than adults, but they can possess defiant personalities that present a challenge to the most veteran parents. Parenting a strong-willed child can feel like an ongoing battle to maintain authority, where each conflict escalates your child's disobedience. As a parent, you must work to find the balance between love and discipline to temper your child's defiant characteristics while preserving your relationship.
Description
While the desire for independence and control is a normal part of growth, some children display willfulness on a regular basis. A strong-willed child exhibits passionate defiance when his desires are denied, often testing the limits of a parent's patience. In most cases, a willful child possesses a strong sense of entitlement, causing him to react with stubbornness and argumentativeness when his will is challenged. This rapid shift from compliance to disobedience can trigger major power struggles between a parent and child, placing strain on the relationship over time.
Development
A parent's reaction to defiance plays an important role in shaping the personality and behavior of a willful child, says Carl Pickhardt, a psychologist and author of "The Everything Parent's Guide to the Strong-willed Child." A parent who is too permissive or submissive gradually relinquishes the authority in the relationship, allowing the child to take advantage of his parent's insecurities. On the other hand, excessive punishment, impossible demands or argumentativeness fosters rebelliousness in the child, who is reluctant to back down or accept defeat.
Behavior
A child's headstrong behavior can take his parents off-guard, making it difficult for you to recognize your child's beneficial qualities. Beyond the surface of an uncompromising attitude, most strong-willed individuals demonstrate useful character traits, such as determination, confidence, decisiveness, resourcefulness and independence. A willful child desires control over his own life and expects an explanation when you say "no." A parent who attempts to establish total dominance without offering compromise quickly finds these same admirable qualities being used to oppose her and break the rules.
Parenting
Going head to head with a child who possesses an unshakable will is difficult and stressful, but it is important to keep an open mind and remain in control of your own emotions when handling such behavior. Avoid needless confrontations by considering your child's point of view, and then offer choices instead of issuing orders, suggests Dr. Laura Markham, a parenting coach and founder of the website Aha!Parenting.com. Help your child to understand that you respect his opinion, while making it clear that your rules are designed with his best interests in mind.
Considerations
It is easy to confuse occasional defiance with a strong-willed personality. Children are individuals who process information and communicate in many different ways. Your child's learning style may differ from your own, leading to an unnecessary conflict of wills, says Dr. Cindy Ulrich, the author of "You Can't Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded)" and "The Way They Learn." Avoid forcing your views upon your child or attempting to alter his behavior simply because it is different from yours.
