Abuse is Convoluted
Abuse in a relationship isn't always as clear-cut as bruises and explanations like "I just fell down the stairs." Sometimes relationship abuse is so subtle that neither the victim nor the abuser realizes that the abuse is taking place to begin with. However, both emotional and physical abuse are equally damaging. Abuse affects relationships by driving a wedge of disharmony between the abuser and the victim.
Abuse Breeds Fear
The victim of abuse is often trapped by fear. She stays in the relationship because she is coerced by internal and external threats to her safety. For example, her abuser may tell her that if she leaves, he will harm or kill her or someone she loves. The victim may believe that she is stuck inside the relationship because her abuser will track her down regardless of how far she goes to escape. She may fear leaving the routine of her current life, or losing some financial stability. She may also have some fear about leaving someone she still loves. When fear plagues a relationship, it strips away the foundations of enduring trust and intimacy.
Abuse Causes Denial
Sometimes both people in an abusive relationship are in denial of their circumstances. For example, the abuser may justify his actions by thinking that the victim somehow deserved it or brought it upon herself. The victim may rationalize her abuser's actions by thinking that he is just being overly jealous because he loves her, or that she shouldn't have done something to upset him when he was under stress. When both parties are in denial, the relationship becomes buried in lies.
Abuse Creates Alienation
The victim of an abusive relationship often distances himself from his abuser as well as from other people. When someone who he thought loved him starts abusing him, he may no longer feel confident about whom he can trust. Sometimes this sense of alienation is made even worse when loved ones begin to believe the abuser rather than the victim. Close outsiders such as family members, mutual friends, and church members may have trouble believing that the otherwise friendly and lovable abuser is actually doing anything harmful behind closed doors.
Abuse Gets Worse
Depending on the type and extent of abuse, an unattended abusive relationship can ultimately suffer from a variety of dangerous consequences. When both parties are in denial about the circumstances, the abuse can get worse over time and cause extremely harmful physical and emotional problems. A victim can become so vulnerable that he begins to identify with or become attached to the person abusing him. The abuser may begin to feel increasingly out of control of her emotions and actions. Both the abuser and the victim can start to feel more and more insecure, depressed, angry and even suicidal.
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