Everyone, at some point, experiences jealousy--jealousy over an actress's beauty and fortune, jealousy over a friend's good fortune, jealousy over a neighbor's new in-ground pool. Your child also knows jealousy whether she is aware of it or not. She is young and must still learn to cope with her own emotional responses to life events. As her parent, you can try to foresee potential jealousy-inducing situations, try to curb some of them in advance and help her recognize and deal with her own feelings when they surface.
Common Causes
Some common causes of jealousy in kids can be found in the home. For example, the birth of a younger sibling can lead a child to feel less significant or loved in the eyes of the parent. A child whose parents are single may also feel jealous when mom or dad starts to date new people. Also, perceived inequality between a child and his siblings (for example, a sibling receives an award, privilege or present that the child doesn't also receive) can cause feelings of jealousy. Once a child reaches elementary school age, he may also feel jealous about his peers' possessions and academic achievements.
Verbal Signs
Some signs of jealousy are more obvious than others. For example, a child who is old enough to communicate in full sentences may outwardly say, "It's not fair that Kayla has a brand-new red backpack, and I got my sister's old ugly backpack." She may also express distaste (for example, "She only won the game because she cheated") when she feels insecure about her own abilities.
Nonverbal Signs
Children in pre-verbal and early verbal stages are more likely to act out in jealousy rather than communicate verbally. Older children have the potential to communicate jealousy in both ways. A jealous toddler may hit his new baby sister with a toy. He may also dump his breakfast all over the floor to upset his mother when she is paying attention to the new baby. Other children express jealousy in less forthright ways; they may stop enjoying their regular activities and instead mope and cling to their mothers all the time.
Alleviating Jealousy
It isn't always possible to cancel out your child's feelings of jealousy, but you can help alleviate some of them by taking time to acknowledge them. A 5-year-old may be able to talk, but she may not quite understand why she feels the way she feels toward her new sibling. To help her get a grasp on her emotions, you can say, "I love you very much, and I understand that you feel upset and jealous when I spend a lot of time with the new baby. You still shouldn't hit him." Regardless of the source of jealousy, always make sure you give your child plenty of praise for accomplishments and good behavior. Also, set aside time for one-on-one activities with her.
Benefits of Jealousy
By helping your child acknowledge his feelings, instances of jealousy can turn into life lessons. For example, you can encourage a new big sibling to pick out some of his old toys to hand down to his new sibling, then shower him with praise for being such a big boy and sharing person. If your child is jealous of friends' possessions, you can accompany him as he donates some of his old toys to a shelter where children have no toys. He will have to jump over some jealousy hurdles on his own---inevitably, some kids will be better at math or get more girlfriends than him---but you can encourage him to turn feelings of jealousy into gratitude and altruism by helping him establish a positive habit through his early experiences.
