About one-third of adult siblings describe their relationship with their brothers and sisters as "rivalrous or distant," states Psychology Today. It's no wonder that, with underlying issues left from childhood experiences and adult siblings asserting their autonomy among their family, conflicts will arise. When handling adult sibling conflict, it's important to remain neutral and solve the problem by boiling the relationship down to its common denominator--a strong family bond that lasts forever despite arguing and conflict.
Step 1
Avoid taking sides when dealing with adult sibling rivalry. As a parent, you certainly don't want to show preference to either adult child. It could spur even more rivalry and argument, along with hurt feelings. Instead, listen to each side of the story and try to be a bipartial arbitrator by not taking sides and listening to each sibling equally when helping to come to a conclusion.
Step 2
Remind the adult siblings about their behavior as children. Virginia State University points out that most siblings retain the roles they held as children: the oldest may still try to be the caretaker, while the youngest still acts as the most privileged of the family. Many conflicts can be solved when adult siblings realize that they are only acting upon their sibling roles based on birth order.
Step 3
Stay away from hot-button issues around feuding siblings. If one sibling owes another money, don't talk about finances. If adult siblings are arguing over politics, don't talk about the latest policy changes. Keep the peace between adult siblings if you can, especially when they see each other infrequently.
Step 4
Find common ground between the siblings that are arguing. Include both siblings in an activity that you all enjoy so that tempers are calmed and the adult siblings place their conflict on the back burner for the sake of the family. Plan a family get-together or outing to bring everyone together for a stress-free time that everyone can enjoy. This is a positive step to heal past pain and hurt feelings.
Step 5
Meet with the core family unit of mother, father and children for a family talk. As a parent, talk to your adult siblings about the importance of family relationships. Mention your desire that your children stay close, even when you aren't there to moderate arguments. Remind your adult children of what is important, and encourage them to forgive and forget.
