Jealousy arises out of the innate impulse to protect a relationship from a perceived threat. In some cases, it can be reality-based, like if your wife is flirting too much with her coworker. In other instances, it may be delusional, like if you think your wife is cheating on you because she smiles at the mailman. Regardless of the reason or form, jealousy can ruin a relationship. Before you let your jealousy grow out of control, you should take the time to better manage it.
Step 1
Acknowledge that you are the only one who can affect your jealousy. Your partner may engage in behaviors you do not agree with. However, your interpretation and reaction to these behaviors is entirely up to you. Likewise, people who smile at your partner may just be friendly and you might be overreacting. Consider that you can choose to be angry and riddled with worry or you can communicate your feelings and rethink the situation.
Step 2
Build confidence in your relationship. If you worry that your partner may leave you for another person, ask yourself why that is. A healthy relationship is built on the trust that you are special to your partner and that no one else can tear you two apart. If you feel that your partner does not feel that way about you, then take action to increase your partner's appreciation or terminate the relationship if you continue to feel unwanted. Jealousy will only hurt you and your partner in the end.
Step 3
Get rid of your insecurity. Let your partner know how you really feel by admitting that you are scared of losing her. Do not make aggressive remarks like, "Why were you talking to him for so long?" Increasing your grip and reducing the freedom of your partner may help you feel more secure, but it will also enhance your partner's resentment toward you, ruining the relationship. Decide what is more important--your security and possibly losing the relationship or learning to be secure without having to attack your partner. Of course, it will not be easy to stop yourself from worrying, but the more you give your partner freedom and see that she does not exploit that freedom, the better off the two of you will be.
Step 4
Talk yourself out of jealousy. As much as you can convince yourself you have every reason and right to be mad and jealous, you can influence yourself to calm down. Unless you can learn to trust your partner and be confident there is no reason to worry, you will perpetually question his every action and motive. Use your thoughts to inspire confidence rather than upset---"He has never wronged me before." "We have been together too long." "I know he loves me more than that." "He knows better."
Step 5
Ask your partner for help. If you know certain things she does makes you jealous, then ask her to either reduce the frequency of those behaviors or to restore your confidence in the relationship in other ways. For example, if she is talking too long to another guy at a party, then place your hand on her back as a pre-negotiated sign that you need a little attention. At the same time, respect her space and try not to be overly controlling and needy. With enough effort and commitment, you can learn to reduce your jealousy and eliminate your worry.
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