Your toddler has not only been able to distinguish you from others since he was a newborn, he has also preferred you from the beginning. At a certain point, however, his preference for you transformed into a constant need to be in your presence. If you aren't able to walk out of your toddler's bedroom at night without causing him to cry, he may be going through separation anxiety.
Causes
Separation anxiety corresponds with an intellectual skill known as "object permanence," according to pediatric health resource Dr. Greene online. Most babies begin to understand that they are separate beings by the time they are about 6 months old, but by about 8 or 9 months of age they also realize that objects continue to exist when they are out of sight. These two factors enable your young child to conjure up a mental image of you when you aren't present, which leads her to miss you and to worry about whether you will return to tend to her.
Symptoms
Symptoms of separation anxiety at bedtime include anxiety upon signs of bedtime, such as brushing teeth, as well as crying and agitation when the child is put into bed and separated from you. You may be able to determine when your child's night awakenings are due to separation anxiety because he will be able to easily fall back to sleep when you are by his side to comfort him.
Affected Toddlers
Babies can show signs of separation anxiety as early as 6 or 7 months or as late as 18 months to 2-1/2 years, but the crisis age for most babies is between 12 to 18 months, according to BabyCenter online. Some toddlers never experience separation anxiety, while others may experience separation anxiety that is triggered by external circumstances such as moving to a new home or going to a new day care. Children who have separation anxiety that persists into the elementary-school years and interferes with daily life may have a deeper anxiety disorder that requires treatment.
Relaxing for Sleep
Your toddler may be able to relax more at bedtime if you establish a soothing nightly routine and stick to it. Your child's routine may include a warm bath, teeth brushing, reading a quiet book with you and a lullaby. Regardless, Kids Health online recommends making the routine brief each night so that your toddler doesn't attempt to extend it into longer periods each time. Abiding by consistent bedtime rules will also prevent upsetting bedtime battles. Your bedtime rules may include, "he only gets one late-night glass of water" and "I will only make short and unexciting visits to his room to soothe him if he cries on the middle of the night."
Quelling Anxiety
Turning on a dim night light and giving your toddler a transitional object, such as a beloved stuffed bear or blanket, may give her some extra comfort when she wakes up alone in the middle of the night. Resist the temptation to enter her room immediately when she starts to cry. With some practice and with the aid of these new security devices, she may be able to fall asleep on her own.
